Posted in Thoughts

Random Thoughts (Again)

This September is tough inside although everything seems so fine outside. Waiting game is still on. Every waking day feels like facing unknown battle. One day it could bring so much hope and positivity while the other day it drained the energy until the last drop because of frustrating events that boggled the mind.

There were times when I could feel calm and felt so sure that everything would be okay but suddenly, the thought jumped to any possible worst things could happen. Sometimes I crave to be settled yet another time the thought of not moving scared me.

At times like this, I always run to reading and searching. Although it won’t solve nor give the answer of all those questions inside, at least it’s distracting enough. But then, the more I read, I end up with more questions. Not sure it’s silly or funny.

No matter how much I understand things almost always (never say never right?) turn out fine, at least way much better than I thought, it doesn’t prevent me from overthinking. No matter how much I have witnessed many things in my life where there were none so far, none, when I was being left alone, still I am scared.

Sometimes I think I am too afraid because life has been really good to me, to us, for the whole year back. No matter how much I understand there’s nothing lasts forever, things will change with or without my approval, yet, I still act the opposite way.

Maybe I just love making myself suffer for no reason.

If there’s anything that I want, maybe I want the ability to be not being and feel entitled to everything. What I have now belongs to the present. Things I might lose in the future, starting all over again from the scratch, failing again, and feel no burden about that. I just need to deal with what I have to deal at that moment.

In my head, it seems doable. I fully understand that life (sometimes) sucks, but that is okay.

I had been there. Many times.

There’s nothing to be scared of, theoretically.

But, somehow, it’s totally different story when you’re facing the reality.

Writing this on the bench near the little girl’s school. I am usually late, today, I am on the first row of the queue.

Doing something unusual is a sign of troubling mind and heart which desperates for an answer.

Posted in Thoughts

Waiting Game

There are times when days go faster than Shinkansen, yet, certain time it feels like moving slower than a snail.

Time flies when you’re having fun.

It crawls when you’re in a waiting game.

Just like these days.

Been so many times doing or being in such situation of mental game, knowing it’s absolutely bad for the heart, but couldn’t help repeating it.

But, the risk of not whole-heartedly asking and finding some ways to things we really want is too big.

I couldn’t handle the price of not trying.

Broken heart and feeling the pain are still much better than doing nothing.

Because, regret has no cure.

Posted in Favorite things, Life happens, Places, Thoughts

(W)One(derful) Year in London

Today, a year ago was the beginning of an adventure that I never imagined would be (really and finally) given in my cards.

Among all my three big 20s dreams, master degree abroad was my number one for the sake of living abroad, in Europe to be exact. Not really have to be a master degree. Whatever that could make it, but master degree seemed to be the most reasonable one. The memory of living in Manchester back in 1994 for two months was too strong until it became my fuel for the next twenty years, even until now.

Master degree abroad was fulfilled, although it wasn’t exactly as the heart wanted. Since more than ten years ago, reading all those women’s living abroad blogs always make me excited. Reading and looking at those pictures while dealing with the situation during the first years of marriage and motherhood made me buried (half of) the wishful thinking about having such dream.

Let alone to live abroad, even visiting Paris seemed to be so impossible.

During those years, it felt even harder when watching the very closest relatives got and lived my dream so ‘easily’. Few times wondered, how could they get it and I was still stuck here after years of trying, praying and daydreaming until it became my constant stomachache? The heart was wrenching when the two brothers went off to this country for master degree. Happy for them and a big sigh for me.

When Paris was unlocked in 2016, that was when the doors started opening for many adventures to come. Seven days of autumn in Paris was exactly the childhood dream that had been longing for a long time. It was unbelievable that my turn finally came after so many years.

After Paris, the ball seemed rolling faster than I could ever think of. It feels like receiving continous pleasant surprises from life, although they always come together with twists and more twists. London, Tokyo, Seoul, and many more places were totally unthinkable to almost impossible for our situation at that time. When it finally came true, all those times really made the long wait worth every second of it.

Spending a week in a new city once a year started giving so much strength and became new fuel to work hard for the whole year.

Traveling as tourists is already big for us. But, nothing prepared me to receive another huge surprise from life as big as London for the third time. This time, it was exactly as I had been longing.

London was never in the first option for the doctor’s study destinations. Inquiries sent randomly to many places, without satisfying answer.

An email in the spam folder suddenly came and changed the whole game in just one night. An email that we could just miss. But we didn’t. After all the rejections, in one night everything suddenly worked. Just like that.

I remembered having sleepless night after talked for an hour with the doctor once he finished his online interview and received the offical offer letter within an hour after the interview. We didnt even have to wait for a single day.

I couldnt help keep asking at that time: is this even real?

It scares me sometimes about the way our prayers granted. It’s beyond what we ask and often feel too good to be true.

A graphic from @visualizevalue described this well

This one year in London was the answer of many prayers sent for years. Many in quantites and qualities. The prayers of the doctor to pursue some trainings abroad, the desperate prayers of a mother who kept asking about her daughter conditions (and her forgotten dream of living in Europe), and maybe deep down inside, the desire of the little girl who was craving for a place where she could feel accepted.

This one year in London feels like receiving compound interest of the saving from three people. We couldn’t get here on our own and without each other’s ‘savings and investment’.

That became clear why I would never made it during my 20s.

I couldn’t be more grateful to live the dream than any other time but now. Allah knows but He waits is the truest phrase. He let me enjoyed living the dream more than what I had asked. I often imagined the conversation inside my head :

“I really want to go (and live) there,”.

“Be patient. You’ll be there even before you realize it. Just keep going,”.

And yes, years from there, here I am.

All those prayers were safely stored until the right time came. Allah saved it for the time when I and we needed this most. He knows I wouldnt survive living here as a student, instead He sent me here as a partner and a mother. It came to my mind that He prepared me first through many years in between until He knew I was ready. Just like every single thing that happened in my life. When it happens, then He knows I am ready.

Ready living the dream with all the bonuses. Something that is truly beyond my calculations.

He sent me here when I could use my time freely, enjoying day to day life without worry about money (unlike the master degree abroad days nine years ago), exploring the city, visiting many places in my bucket list, learning about things that I want to learn.

He sent us together once the doctor finished all his duties, from five years of PPDS to another year of WKDS. He sent us when the time this pandemic started. He sent us right when the things related to little girl’s situation was getting so frustrating.

I left my 15 years job, my comfort zone, the company of friends and family, I should do many things that previously done through others’ help by myself, taking care things that normally being outsourced to other people, dealing with the weather that sometimes unbearable, conversing in language that I often couldn’t even understand (It is so true), it’s far from easy, yet I never felt as sufficient as before.

I love the fresh air, wide green spaces everywhere, proper playgrounds are easily accessible, good public transportation, range of products in grocery shopping, the smell of fresh baked pastries with great price in supermarket, free attractions to visit, the weekend markets all over the city, a library with great collections, and so many more.

I love our flat, the neighbourhood by the Thames river. I enjoy spending most time at home. Reading, cleaning, doing things in kitchen, like found a new love for baking, being a teacher to the little girl for many things, something that made me realize how much it takes and needed to raise a child (without helps). No wonder I felt more tired previously because combining works outside and child raising truly sucked the energy.

I don’t have to wait for weekend nor avoid Monday, I set my daily routine to stay sane and so far it works well. I really have proper time to do things that are important for me, I have time to entertain my curiosity in particular subject, to get lost in the city by trying new bus routes in between school time, to join a volunteer of my interest and meet lovely people there, or even just as simple as reading book samples in my google play.

After years of long hours daily work, even on the weekend, we know there’s a situation in some place where work-life balance does exist. Generous leaves allow us to travel on weekdays, had a date in the middle of the week, spent few days every two weeks to prepare the food for the following week, how I love having stay at home father and husband.

The list is long and I can keep going until tomorrow.

In short, here, in London, I am living this definition of rich below. The kind of rich that is beyond money.

From a chapter of Psychology of Money book from @alexandbooks page

Like I wrote previously, sometimes, it feels scary to receive so many. But it would be scarier to forget that we have receieved so much more than our plea.

Hopefully not and never.

This one year in London is truly a big plate of sweet dessert at the end of one tough decade.

And I will be forever grateful for this.

Posted in Books, Thoughts

Sistem Pendidikan, Skor PISA dan Status Pandemi : 75 Tahun (belum) Merdeka

Sudah ngga perlu intro lagi betapa berat tahun ini untuk semua. Tidak ada gunanya membandingkan tingkat kesusahan antara satu dan yang lain karena kita masing-masing pasti punya sesuatu yang mungkin tidak ditampilkan di luar.

Selain berat, tahun ini pun harusnya banyak memberi kesempatan untuk memperbaiki banyak hal. Buat saya salah satunya adalah tentang sekolah. Dalam beberapa bulan, tanpa benar-benar direncanakan dan diinginkan, revolusi pendidikan telah terjadi.

Mulai dari sistem sampai implementasi. Dari organisasi sekolah itu sendiri, semua guru, murid dan orangtuanya dipaksa untuk berubah dan beradaptasi. Situasi ini harusnya jadi pembuka mata untuk semua. Membuka mata tentang apa yang penting untuk dipersiapkan dan diajarkan.

Melihat semua yang terjadi di luar sana, memilih subjek yang perlu diajarkan di dalam (rumah) menjadi sangat penting. Sebelumnya saya pernah tulis pendapat pribadi di sini. Saya sebagai orang tua (dan guru), di atas keinginan anak bisa menguasai pelajaran sekolah, jadi anak yang cerdas, memiliki skill yang baik, atau hal-hal yang bisa terlihat dari luar, lebih dari kapan pun sebelum tahun ini, hal yang paling saya inginkan adalah anak saya belajar menjadi manusia yang baik.

Terlalu sulit karena abstrak. Perlu didefinisikan dengan jelas manusia yang baik seperti apa. Tentu saya punya konsep pribadi. Tapi, yang lebih penting adalah konsep universal yang berlaku untuk semua.

Sayangnya, berpuluh tahun negara ini merdeka dari penjajah literal, tapi belum juga merdeka dari banyak hal. Sepenting tujuan pendidikan dan pengasuhan yang jelas dan bisa menjadi kompas buat semua orang pun tidak tersedia.

Kenapa bisa ada buku parenting seperti dari Prancis, German, Belanda, Swedia, Finland, Cina, Denmark, Jepang? Karena mereka punya tujuan yang jelas MANUSIA dengan karakter seperti apa yang mereka inginkan.

Hal ini dijelaskan dengan gamblang oleh negara dan diaplikasikan oleh seluruh warganya. Semua bekerja sama untuk tujuan besar yang sama.

Buku ini menjelaskan tentang negara-negara dengan sistem pendidikan yang baik. Jepang dan Finlandia salah duanya.

Dijelaskan bahwa sejak kecil, anak-anak Jepang dididik dalam kelompok kecil dan selalu dibiasakan untuk mengutamakan kepentingan kelompok di atas kepentingan pribadi. Keberhasilan kelompok merupakan yang utama. Semua bekerja untuk mencapai keberhasilan bersama. Menjalankan sesuatu sesuai aturan dan tidak banyak komplain, disiplin yang tinggi, merawat kelas yang mereka tempati seperti rumah. Makanya sering kita lihat di drama atau film Jepang, anak-anaknya menyapu dan mengepel kelas, menyiram tanaman, membuang sampah, merapikan kelas dan semua hal yang mereka lakukan seperti di rumah sendiri.

Seorang kepala sekolah Jepang mengatakan :”Ruang kelas di Jepang bukan sekedar tempat belajar, tapi adalah tempat di mana mereka tinggal. Guru-guru di jepang tidak hanya mengajarkan tentang akademik tapi juga tentang moral dan hal – hal penting lainnya. Hal ini tercantum dalam undang-undang bahwa tujuan pendidikan adalah untuk membangung kepribadian murid-muridnya dan saya setuju dengan hal tersebut”.

Di paragraf terakhir :

“Pada rapat guru di awal tahun ajaran, mereka menghabiskan waktu selama dua jam untuk mendiskusikan satu hal : murid-murid dengan KARAKTER SEPERTI APA yang mereka inginkan”.

Bukan tentang hal akademis.

Hasil dari pendidikan dengan tujuan yang jelas ini bisa kita rasakan di setiap sudut jika berkunjung di negara ini. Tiap sudut kota yang bersih, transportasi umum yang tepat waktu hingga ke satuan menit. Warga yang ramah. Tidak heran semua orang yang pernah ke Jepang sepakat kalo orang Jepang itu baiknya luar biasa.

Mereka menaruh kepentingan orang lain di atas diri mereka sendiri. Mereka menghormati orang lain seperti subwaynya yang penuh namun sunyi, mereka membantu turis yang kebingungan tanpa ragu-ragu, bukan sekedar menunjukan jalan, tapi seringnya mengantar sampai ke tempat tujuan. Meninggalkan barang di atas meja ketika di restoran buat sekedar ke kamar mandi atau memesan minuman lain bukan masalah besar. Semua sadar untuk tidak menyentuh apapun yang bukan miliknya. Setiap masuk atau keluar toko, restoran, semua mengucapkan salam dan membungkuk sebagai penghargaan kepada sesama manusia, siapapun dia.

Hal-hal tersebut tidak dibangun dalam satu malam, satu bulan, atau satu tahun. Karakter orang Jepang yang kita kenal adalah hasil dari pendidikan usia dini hingga tingkat tinggi yang hasilnya baru terlihat saat mereka menjadi bagian dari masyarakat.

Hal-hal yang kita kagumi itu merupakan hasil proses belajar bertahun-tahun yang dijalankan oleh semua orang.

Waktu ke Jepang tahun 2018, pak dokter bertemu dengan temannya yang sedang mengambil Phd dan sudah hidup beberapa tahun di Tokyo. Dia bilang sejak umur 3 tahun sampai kelas 4 SD, porsi utama yang diajarkan di sekolah-sekolah Jepang adalah pembentukan karakter. Bukan hal-hal akademis.

Sejak dini, fokus pendidikannya adalah untuk menjadi manusia yang baik. Ngga heran hasilnya seperti itu.

Selain Jepang, salah satu contoh lain adalah Finlandia. Di Finlandia, salah satu way of life yang diterapkan bernama Sisu. Sisu adalah kemampuan untuk menghadapi kesulitan dan mengubahnya menjadi kesempatan.

Di dalamnya terdapat kekuatan mental, resiliensi, dan keberanian untuk menghadapi apapun yang terjadi. Sisu ini mencakup semua hal. Akarnya ada di kesehatan badan yang baik. Karena tanpa kesehatan fisik yang baik, akan sulit untuk seseorang memiliki kesehatan mental yang baik.

Sisu ini ditanamkan sejak kanak-kanak dan usia pra-sekolah. Jadi bukan tiba-tiba ketika dewasa dituntut untuk memiliki Sisu.

Pembangunan karakter ini dilakukan serentak baik di rumah dan di sekolah. Semua elemen bekerja sama dengan satu tujuan besar di kepala. Penerapannya pun dijabarkan dengan jelas konkritnya seperti apa.Salah satu untuk melatih kekuatan mental adalah berenang pada musim dingin. Berdasarkan penelitian, winter swimming mempengaruhi manusia dalam berbagai hal seperti meredakan stres, meningkatkan toleransi terhadap dingin yang mana sekaligus meningkatkan imunitas. Ketika dijalankan rutin, dapat menurunkan tekanan darah, sebagai pain relief untuk arthritis dan meningkatkan fungsi pernapasan untuk penderita asma.

Hidup sehat dan sederhana ala negara Nordic juga dijalankan sejak dini. Dibanding mobil, jalan kaki atau bersepeda lebih banyak dilakukan. Sarapan yang mengandung serat dibanding karbohidrat. Tidak peduli cuaca seperti apapun, tidak ada alasan untuk anak-anaknya untuk tidak bermain di luar. Tidak ada cuaca buruk, cuma ada salah kostum.

Sejak pendidikan dasar, anak-anak diajarkan untuk memiliki sikap untuk tidak menyerah ketika menghadapi kesulitan.Tujuan pendidikan mereka jelas, seperti yang dijelaskan di bawah ini :

“Pre school di Finlandia tidak berfokus untuk menyiapkan anak-anak untuk hal akademis. Melainkan, tujuan utamanya adalah memastikan semua anak bahagia dan menjadi individu yang bertanggung jawab”.

Mencapainya lewat apa? Seperti berhadapan dengan pekerjaan sehari-hari, menghadapi masalah dengan teman, membereskan peralatan makan dan memakai baju sendiri dan hal lainnya.Tujuan yang abstrak yang gamblang dengan implementasi yang konkrit.Lagi-lagi, sejak awal tujuan utama di atas kertas dan implementasi di lapangan adalah membentuk manusia yang baik.

Itu hanya sebagian kecil contoh yang dijabarkan dalam buku ini.Dari contoh dua negara di atas, ada perasaan iri ngga sih? Saya sih iya banget🙁.

Belum selesai.

Bakal makin iri ketika liat hasil dalam jangka panjang. Efek dari memiliki tujuan pendidikan yang jelas dan impelementasi yang baik oleh seluruh elemen sejak usia dini, dalam jangka panjang semua hal tersebut berimbas langsung ke hasil pencapaian akademik.

Hasil PISA atau The Programme for International Student Assessment yang dilakukan oleh OECD (Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development) dengan mengevaluasi sistem pendidikan di berbagai negara dunia, mengukur performa murid-murid 15 tahun dalam tiga bidang : matematika, sains, dan pemahaman membaca, menunjukan korelasi yang positif antara tujuan pendidikan yang jelas, pembangunan karakter yang dilakukan sejak dini dengan hasil akademis jangka panjang.

Dari tahun ke tahun, negara-negara seperti Jepang dan Finlandia ini selalu berada di peringkat atas dengan skor di atas rata-rata di semua bagian.

(Baca daftar ini).

Kesimpulannya : Karakter kuat didapat. Hasil akademik terbaik.

Sedangkan Indonesia? Bisa dilihat di bawah ini dari tahun ke tahun seperti apa hasilnya.

Sudahlah jauh di bawah rata-rata. Ada di jajaran peringkat terbawah. Tiap tahun mengalami penurunan lagi.

Lihat hasil seperti ini, sedih ngga sih?Saya sih iya banget☹.

Sedih saja memang ngga akan membawa perubahan apa-apa. Salah satu yang bisa dilakukan adalah memulai dari rumah. Tapi itu ngga cukup. Perlu sekali kerangka besar yang ditetapkan oleh orang-orang yang memiliki kekuasaan dan pembuat kebijakan kemudian menjadi panduan untuk dijalankan semua pihak hingga dapat membuat perubahan.

Pendidikan usia dini sangat penting. Namun bukan tentang akademis. Di 5 negara dengan sistem pendidikan terbaik tersebut, anak-anak sekolah usia dini tidak perlu menunjukan hasil akademis seperti baca atau matematika, begitupun gurunya yang tidak perlu memaksakan mereka ke arah tersebut. Ketika tiba saatnya, kebanyakan mereka akan memiliki cukup pengetahuan dan attitude yang baik untuk menguasai skill tersebut.

Sementara yang terjadi di sini, pendidikan usia dini di Indonesia kebanyakan berfokus ke persiapan akademik untuk memenuhi tuntutan tes masuk SD. Semua dipaksa harus bisa baca. Bahkan sampai ada bimbel baca! Padahal yang perlu ditanamkan adalah minat baca. Kalo baca aja ngga suka dan dibacakan buku aja jarang, lalu dipaksa suruh bisa baca, apa ngga sakit kepala?

Hasilnya pun bisa kita lihat dalam kehidupan sehari hal-hal paling sederhana di sekitar kita. Membuang sampah pada tempatnya pun kita belum bisa. Penyediaan trotoar buat pejalan kaki, di seluruh jalan, dan angkutan umum yang memadai tidak tersedia. Bahkan di ibukota. Sikap pengendara kendaraan bermotor lebih mengutamakan pejalan kaki pun sangat langka.

Kadang ngga habis pikir, kok bisa ya 75 tahun merdeka, hal-hal sesimpel di atas pun kita ngga punya?

Di pandemi ini makin terlihat jelas sekali ‘kegagalan’ pendidikan kita selama berpuluh tahun dari atas hingga ke bawah. Korupsi dianggap biasa. Sudah berbulan-bulan pandemi, pemimpin di atas ngga ada sedikit pun strategi konkrit untuk mengatasi masalah dan malah fokus ke hal-hal lain selain menyelamatkan nyawa. Sementara di bawah, rakyatnya malah masih sibuk mempertanyakan apakah virus ini benar-benar ada dan sulit sekali mengikuti aturan.

Semakin ke sini juga semakin terlihat betapa rendah empati di masyarakat. Sejak dulu saya melihat bahwa sesimpel kata maaf dan terima kasih itu kelu sekali diucapkan oleh masyarakat kita. Seperti beberapa kali mobil ditabrak, yang saya tunggu hanya permintaaan maaf, ngga perlu ganti rugi apapun, tapi yang SELALU keluar pertama kali adalah apa?Excuses.

“Duh kena ya? Perasaan tadi jauh”.

“Duh ngantuk banget lagi buru-buru jadi ngga sengaja”. dan masih banyak lagi.Frustasi ngga sih? Semakin kesini, saya sih iya😭.

Ada salah satu konsep pendidikan Indonesia yang pernah ditulis dan dijabarkan oleh Romo Mangun di tulisan ini.

Konsepnya sudah jelas dan terukur. Sayang, hanya tersimpan di laci.Hampir semua tujuan pendidikan di Indonesia yang memiliki berbagai jenis sekolah, bermuara untuk mendapatkan hasil ujian di atas kertas selama tiga hari.Target akademik masih jadi satu-satunya tujuan akhir belajar dan tolak ukur keberhasilan sekolah. Belajar menjadi manusia selalu ada di dalam visi misi tapi masih sangat sangat terbatas dalam implementasi.

Mungkin, karena bagian ini membutuhkan banyak energi tanpa pemberian yang wajar di bagian kompensasi. Hasilnya pun masih harus menunggu waktu yang lama dan tidak pasti. Hasil dari pendidikan bertujuan sukses ujian yang kita tanam jelas terlihat beberapa bulan ini.

Semua strategi fokus menyelamatkan ekonomi, bukan menyelamatkan sebanyak-banyaknya nyawa ketika pandemi. Nyawa satu orang dianggap tidak berarti. Bertanya-tanya, manusia-manusia seperti apa yang menjalankan negara ini?

Di pendidikan hanya fokus mengejar akademik, bukan hal-hal dasar seperti karakter yang baik. Apa hasilnya?Ekonomi (menuju) resesi. Jumlah kasus dan kematian sangat tinggi. Hasil akademik rendah, pembentukan karakter yang baik pun setengah-setengah.

Di semua hal kita kalah dan payah.

Sebuah grafik dari bloomberg menjabarkan 5 negara yang memiliki resiliensi terbaik dalam pandemi ini :

1. New Zealand

2. Jepang

3. Taiwan

4. Korea Selatan

5. Finlandia

Bisa ditengok kembali ke tabel peringkat PISA.

Jelas ditunjukan bahwa negara-negara yang hasil skor PISAnya di peringkat atas adalah negara yang (rakyatnya) paling resilien dalam menghapi pandemi. Negara yang mengutamakan kesehatan rakyatnya dalam pandemi ini yang juga berhasil menyelamatkan ekonominya.

Kesimpulannya : Betapa besar dampak pembentukan karakter sejak dini ke pencapaian hasil akademik jangka panjang, hasil kehidupan sehari-hari dan dalam situasi krisis seperti pada pandemi ini.

Setelah 75 tahun, masih banyak sekali PR (yang belum dikerjakan) negeri ini. Tapi, harapan dan doa masih (harus terus) dijaga. Sambil terus bertanya-tanya : bisa bantu apa?

Mungkin bisa dimulai dari menetapkan dan membangun tiga karakter besar yang ingin dibentuk? Menetapkan target skor minimum yang ingin dicapai di tiga skill yang diukur oleh PISA?

Tiga hal yang buat saya pribadi penting seperti di tulisan ini. Hal ini ngga akan mudah karena dibutuhkan kerja sama dari semua. Anak usia dini masih punya banyak kesempatan untuk dibentuk, tapi bagaimana dengan orang tua dan para gurunya yang sudah terbentuk oleh sistem yang sudah ada berpuluh-puluh tahun? Mengubah sistem perlu dimulai dari perubahan mindset.

Mindset bahwa kita memiliki sistem pendidikan dan pengasuhan yang menghasilkan anak-anak yang berkarakter baik, jujur, disiplin, dan berempati sehingga masyarakat bisa menghargai hal-hal tersebut di atas hasil ujian di atas kertas.

Tolak ukur kesuksesan bukan lagi oleh yang terlihat di depan mata seperti hanya sekedar berapa banyak uang yang dihasilkan, jenis pekerjaan apa yang dilakukan, dan berapa banyak harta yang dipunya.

Sukses seorang manusia diukur dari banyak hal yang tidak terlihat seperti bagaimana dia memperlakukan orang lain dan sebahagia apa seseorang menurut definisi pribadinya.

Pandemi ini seharusnya bisa jadi titik awal dari perubahan besar pendidikan di Indonesia karena tanpa kualitas yang baik dari manusianya, (saya rasa) Indonesia tidak akan pernah benar-benar merdeka.

Posted in Thoughts

A Capricious Year and Occlumency

This year has been giving non-stop hard works for every part of our senses. A lot of things happened in these few past months have been eye-opening, leave us speechless, make the ears listen more to what’s important, literally and unliterally, and surely break the heart for countless times.

It’s overwhelming yet unavoidable. Witnessing how fast the world change, from the smallest habit to the biggest policy. Before this, washing hand was some ordinary mundane thing to do and now it could become a matter of life and death. Wearing mask once only belonged to certain ethnics or people, now, it becomes a world wide compulsory fashion item. Shake hands and kiss were once considered as normal greetings, now it becomes a crime if we do that. Sardened in subway once considered as a daily thing to deal. But now, don’t even think to get close to anyone less than 2 meters apart.

In the smaller circle, witnessing how a person’s life could turn upside down in one night is also confusing and surprising, no matter how much understanding the mind has that life is always about clear and dark weather taking turn. It feels like being continously warned to not to get too excited and fly too high when the weather is nice and keep being patient when the dark weather comes.

The problem is it’s so easy to lose control when everything is going well. Thinking it will last forever. Doing whatever with so little conciousness. Forgetting that bad things never come alone and attack when we’re least prepared.

We plan things to the smallest detail, thinking how well we prepare for everything but often forget that we have totally no control about the end result. We see someone whose talk, appearance and achievements look amazing for public but then, it crumbled into pieces in one night. Suddenly all the talk becomes total nonsense and those achievements feel nothing but some bullshit trash.

Since social media era, we’re really dealing with too much noise, and this year is especially loud. It becomes important to be able to narrow our focus to the things, what and who that we consider really matter. It reminds me of one lesson that Harry Potter did with Snape : Occlumency.

It showed how important for someone to be able to control the mind, to prevent unwanted action from the influence of uncontrolled mind. In the book or movie we could see that Harry couldn’t master Occlumency because he couldn’t shut down emotion, he was hot-headed, ready to spring into action, unable to stop himself biting back. Draco Malfoy, on the other hand, was well able to control himself according to the circumstances.

Self control is the key word and how it is truly applicable in this current situation. We truly can choose what goes inside our mind, things that we allow to enter our mind then could influence our action. Because what we see and consume daily will unconciously make some influence to our choice and action.

It is similar to doing a diet about food. We choose carefully what kind of food we consume to keep our weight on the track. Even according to some articles, what we eat also have some impact to how we act. It’s true that healthy food makes healthy mind. With the same analogy, we can choose what kind of people we follow in social media, what kind of books we read, what kind of debate we should ignore, and everything that we give permission to influence our life.

Setting up daily schedule, rearrange the priotities, set our own standard, choose things to where the energy flows, all those become things that one should better give some spare time for self-training, even for little kids. More than ever, children urgently need help in dealing with so many distractions outside. Without having our own definiton of happiness and sufficiency, it would be too draining to keep up with everything that have been shown out there.

If Arkarna says “so little time so much to do”, for me it’s been “so little energy so much to handle”.

Choose what kind of battle we want to fight carefully.

Practice occlumency.

A closing statement taken from this article.

Posted in Thoughts

Hajj in Time of Corona

No adjective describing this year better than extra ordinary, including this year hajj as well.

Hajj 2020 only allowed 1000 people who live in Saudi Arabia compared to the usual 2,5 millions people from all over the world in the previous years. Today is Arafah day which is the most essential ritual of hajj. Arafah is where the pilgrims sit throughout the day until the sun set before heading to Mina.

Hajj has always been another trip down memory lane since 2012. The greatest trip I have ever been with the one I loved the most. Even after many years, tears are still easily flowing whenever the mind replaying all the memories happened eight years ago.

It was the most flawful trip I have ever had. A trip had never been that messed up since the very start. The chaos started from the pre-departure until the end which became the most devastating loss in my life. But, years after years, I remembered it as my most treasured trip and period of life. It felt surreal that I could survive all those things happened in 2012.

I wrote it once in Life Happens : The Second Big Dream “Hajj, The Greatest Trip”

Since the first ten days of Dzulhijjah are among the best days of the year to make dua, I made so many desperate duas these days. I asked too many things to the smallest detail.

Life after 2012 has never been getting easier but I am beyond grateful because it’s been such a life worth living. Until this very second and hopefully until the end. Amin.

Eid Mubarak!

Arafah 1441H/2012
Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

The Last Day of the Happiest School Year

Yesterday was the last day of the most wonderful school year, so far. Not only for the little girl, but also for the parents. I never knew before one year could make so much differences.

A school where we found the answer to years of confusion and frustration. I will really write about this later.

A school which set a whole new standard to the next school we choose for this girl.

A school which gives more than we could ever imagine. Once wrote about this previously in This Cool School.

Instead of being bullied at her first day like few years ago, or clearly being left behind in a baby class by those who called themselves child psychlogist, and some other unpleasant experience, the whole part of this school is truly accepted just the way she is.

That is really important for us.

Not only they offered a huge help about her major problem, they provided the solution as well. Our endless thank yous were replied by : “No, no, it’s fine. That’s our job here” and “It’s our pleasure to work with her”. We didnt even spend a single penny for that.

I already wanted to cry here.

Having no one to really keen of her and couldn’t mingle with the gang of kindergirls previously(it was tough), there’s nothing that made me happier to see how these kids here treated her. They shouted her name, waved her from a far when we met in the street, “HI LENGGIT!”, said goodbye when the school was over, ” BYE LENGGIT!”, spared her some space on the line, took care of her, and sincerely liked her.

Just like today in the park, when she saw some friends from another class playing bubbles together, she slowly approached them but too shy to ask, one of the little girl asked :

“Lenggit, do you want to join us? ”

Those were priceless. And surely made me cry.

We’re fully aware and totally accept she’s not the brightest type. Among 16 areas, half of them are still below standard. We have a lot of homeworks to do.

But the good news is, she has the right attitude about learning and also has secured few things that she loves, being good at, and recognized well by the teacher such as reading and music.

Hope she could continue to find joy in those two while facing and dealing with harder times in the future and keep working on (many) of her other homeworks.

The last day was marked by the tears flowing on the school pick up ranting about how she would miss her bestfriend and endlessly asked when her bestfriend would come to our house.

Summer break until September begins.

Posted in Places, Thoughts

Four Months in Four Minutes

After three months watching the whole world in pause, currently, in the fourth month after UK official lockdown, everything is trying to have slow recovery. Personally, for certain things, I don’t want them to return to the way they used to. Like sitting next close to stranger in public transport and the way school operates.

It could be one of the biggest changes in many ways of life that we have been through in the life time.

It’s almost impossible to just let all the things happened in the last four months being forgotten without a proper memoire.

Four months in four minutes to remind me that I once got through something as extraordinary as this pandemic period.

Luckily, in this city.

Lockdown in Rotherhithe.

New normal in London.

Posted in Books, Thoughts

True Privilege(s)

Among many words that being (ab)used often this year, privilege is one of them. As seen in current situations where inequalities happen everywhere, privilege becomes one of the keywords for the context.

According to Cambridge dictionary, privilege is an advantage that only one person or group of people has, usually because of their position or because they are rich. Most of the time, money is one of the strongest indicators of privilege and it’s true. Money might be not everything, but it surely makes things easier.

With money alone, the on-going pandemic even gives a clear line between those with privileges and those who arent. Those with savings and stable job could get through this hard time by surviving from home. Their life continues without so much struggles. But ones who are not as lucky, everyday might feel like a battle that should be fought hard in order to win. As lucky as I could be to be on the privileged side, I couldn’t help admiring those, in spite of their hard situation, keep thriving against all odds.

I have been realizing for some time that privilege comes in so many uncountable forms beyond money. Where you were born, who your parents (and later, your partner) are, a geographical place where you grow up, those were among given priveleges that one could have without effort since it’s all given. But, these past few months show that the true privileges are the intangibles of the tangibles. From my eyes, these are some examples of more real and needed privileges, or maybe kind of privileges that I want my daughter to have:

True privilege is not about how much money one has or earn, but the skill to know how to use it well, to achieve the goals and to give benefit to others.

True privilege is not about having good brain, but the ability to keep learning, trying, and not giving up when things get hard.

True privilege is not only about owning many things, but the ability and the willing to take care of it everyday.

True privilege is not living comfortably but having the adaptability skill to survive any situations.

True privilege is the ability to not taking things for granted, maintaining your health when you’re healthy, being conscious about what you do and your life, be grateful for everything that life has given to you.

True privilege is being mentally and physically healthy.

True privilege is knowing how much is enough based on your own standard not others and knowing your priorities and live accordingly.

True privilege is being able to be kind in this crazy world.

If those were summed up in one big picture, privilege is having the right mindset to live the life.

When I started my motherhood journey, the greatest unseen privilege that I have is : having choices. One should know how priceless it is. Tracing the dots back, having choices in the future was the result of the what focus on doing hard times one chose (or being chosen) in the past. I couldn’t help remembering one of James Clear’s quotes :

The Paradox of Freedom:

The way to expand your freedom is to narrow your focus.

Stay focused on saving to achieve financial freedom.

Stay focused on training to achieve physical freedom.

Stay focused on learning to achieve intellectual freedom.

What I realized after being a mother, such privileges are all earned. Not given. Through what? Through choosing the right courses in school life, as Prof Christensen said in How to Measure Your Life. Not until I became a mother then I knew that those hard times I had been through would give me easier path in the future. Not until I had my own child, those hard times were so much harder on the mother’s side than the child’s.

Giving your child hard times is ten times harder than experiencing them by yourself. It takes a lot of courage, commitment, stubborness, and heart made of steel to make and watch your child ‘suffer’, for good. Giving them hard times take the right treatment since you need to be fully present and supportive. Telling them to do something is not enough. You as parents, need to walk the talk. You need to keep learning on how to make and help them survive the hard times, without having unwanted damage.

Bloody hard works.

I was too afraid to imagine what I would become of if my parents didnt work hard and had strong heart to keep me stick with those challenging times. Been watching many examples and result if the parents takes the easy way. The price that the child should pay sometimes is too hard to handle.

The question is how to pass these privileges? Tracing back once again from my own experience, building privileges starts from building a good foundation, which is good characters. And good characters are the result of good habits built from early years. It’s a long term full time job. It’s tiring and exhausting. Countless time to resist the urge to quit, countless time to fall, stop, and breaks, then stand up once again.

The result of good habits built for years could only be visible in the long run. That makes many fail because we basically always want an instant result.

As James Clear wrote in Atomic Habits,

Habit

Progress

Outcome

Habit becomes character.

Character becomes one of most precious privileges.

More hardworks in future years and long way to go to create and pass as many as privileges to the next generation.

Because why not?

Life is never getting easy.

And, James Clear’s Atomic Habits is clearly one of the most important books to read in its category.

8 July 2020

(Updated) : Just listened to this and I couldn’t believe one of the best blogger whose writing I’ve been enjoying a lot since a long time said the very same idea about privilege in minute 42.

“The truest form of privilege is having the right mindset”.

Posted in Thoughts

After 30 Years

I have been watching the doctor rooting for the club for 18 years (out of 22 years).

I’ve been witnessing how the mood could very much affected by the match result. That high school silly boy.

I have been listening to his (frustrating, exciting) rants for so many times.

Once listened to his almost two hours whinning when Torres moved to another club through international roaming phone calls (scary).

Once accompanied him watching the club play at GBK until late night when they visited Jakarta few years ago.

Twice accompanied him to Anfield. The first time for appetizer and warming up, the second time for main course, singing the anthem with the other birds that flocked together. Maybe the third time needed for the sweet dessert?

Not a fan of the club, but, watching their journey for years, step by step, progress by progress, it’s unimaginable to finally see the end of 30 years of waiting.

2015/16: 7th rank EPL + Final UEL + Final League Cup

2016/17: 4th rank EPL

2017/18: 4th rank EPL + Final UCL

2018/19: 2nd rank EPL + Champions UCL + Champions Super Cup + Champions Club World Cup

2019/20: Champions EPL

One thing about this, you can hate the club, but you can’t help falling for the Klopp. They can start building Klopp statue in front of the main gate. He deserves it.

Look at him being humble here. Giving credit to everyone but himself.
https://twitter.com/i/events/1276246091868934146?s=20

Everything will fall into its place when its about the time. They have all the right things to deserve the trophy.

The right attitude.
The right coach.
The right team.
The highest score with the biggest difference with the runner up.
The earliest to win the title.

Above all those winning points, yet, they have the most quiet celebration in EPL history after postponing the league for 13 weeks due to the pandemic.

From James Clear,

“You always hold the rights to your effort, but never to your results.

Results are entitled to no one. At best, they are on loan and must be renewed each day.

All you own is the right to try.”

Congratulations for the Champion of England title, Lads.