A Penny for My Pensieve

We finally found the courage to resume our regular traveling like we did back in 2016-2019. After completing the (unexpected) tetralogy of Ilana Tan’s trip from Autumn in Paris in 2016, Spring in London in 2017, Winter in Tokyo in 2018, and Summer in Seoul in 2019, we moved to London and the world has changed not long after that.

The trip we did during pandemic mostly two short days trip. The last long trip was Edinburg-Highland trip but it didn’t go with our regular pattern. It was a road trip where we moved places and stayed in four different places in a week.

Our regular travel pattern would be 7 days spent in one city. Stayed in an Air BnB or an apartment with kitchen, no highly ambitious itinerary, play in the playground, stop by for ice cream, get lost in small alleys, stroll by the river, lay down in the park, might not appealing for some people.

Among that 7 days, there would be one day where we took a day trip to other nearby city from the main city. Visited Versailles while we were in Paris, Liverpool and Manchester during London trip, Gotemba for Winter in Tokyo, oh we didn’t go anywhere in Seoul because it was the only trip that we only stayed for five days. At that time, I was afraid we didn’t survive the food, turned out what we didn’t survive was the people. The food was totally ok. Just ok.

Returned from London, we redefined travel. With Covid restrictions, the best and the safest we could get is staycation. We had a lot of it actually. Combining the hotel with good restaurants that we wanted to try nearby. Went to camping twice, which was just okay for me, and another short trip to Bandung last year. Haven’t set our feet further than that.

Last September my brother start pursuing his Phd in Karlsruhe, Germany. It was when the idea of browsing ticket for the sake of curiosity about how much it would cost to go there appeared.

The price of travel tickets has been soaring from pre-pandemic era and I have adjusted my expectations. All those travels that we did it was thanks to the ‘cheap’ tickets that found their way to greet me.

When I searched the price for three packs, it was okay. Not cheap definitely, but doable for our budget (which has been adjusted also from pre-pandemic era).

During my search, I realized it is not only the outside world that has changed, but mine too inside. When we traveled previously, the little girl was just a baby and a preschooler without no other responsibilities. But, since three years ago, there are a set of morning routines that we do daily and it’s quite impossible to do some of it when we travel. I treasure this morning routines dearly and the thought of putting them on pause for a whole week scares me.

On the other side, the period where we could take her for traveling with us is not getting much longer. What every parents should realize is we really have shorter time than we think we have with the kids. Travel with them when they are young, I totally support such idea. There’s no single trip that we regret taking in the past. I enjoyed every places we took her to.

The keys to travel with kids peacefully are two : be firm about eating and sleeping time. That’s it and that’s all.

So I kept searching and tried multiple destinations which might suit our preferences. I finally settled with the thought that Europe was still not doable for now. Thinking about the flight duration, the jetlag, the post travel recovery, we have limited time and space for that. So, the searching continued to those places within 7 hours flight.

I thought of returning to Japan, maybe another city than Tokyo. But, funnily, both me and the doctor have the same opinion about this. No matter how much we love Japan with all the good experiences we had there, returning there once again doesn’t seem a good idea that worth our precious budget and time. Also, the experience of flying with JAL set a high standard which is quite hard to replicate for now since JAL ticket price is totally doesn’t make sense now.

Then, just like many ideas that felt like a sudden turned-on light on my head, a city and area that we haven’t covered popped out. Tried several cities and comparing budget and there’s one city that suits us well.

As always, I never buy the ticket right away. Wait for several days, do more readings and searchings, compared with this and that once again. This is the period where I talk to myself a lot before I propose the idea to the doctor.

After few days or maybe a week or more, I talked about this idea to him. It was 6 months before the trip date. Unexpectedly, he agreed. Thought he would say we had to save more for our current place rennovation.

The ticket I found was totally agreeable. I even found another option with almost three millions rupiahs different, but, of course with some trade-offs. After considering many things, that much difference didn’t seem too much compared to what we could get with slightly higher price.

So, after continuous bismillah, the purchase made.

Unlike the previous trips where I always pack two month ahead (crazy girl), this time, up until a week before, when this post was written, I practically haven’t done anything for the trip. The suitcases are still on the cupboard, although the outfits are already in a separate basket. I have exchanged the currency in the money changer though.

I still have this insecurity and try to keep my expectations as low as possible, whenever we have planned a trip since Covid came. Covid also makes me trained myself to do flash packing. Many of our staycations were the product of sudden decision. As sudden as few hours before.

Well, after three years, maybe it’s about the time. How I miss resuming the trip to the airport.

Bismillah, to the airport we go!

Life has simple principles but hard to implement.

Because we lack of patience.

Choose instant rewards over delaying gratification.

That’s the beginning of any kind of problems.

Life is always about how we see it and never about what really happens.

That’s why living life with the right mindset is priceless.

The power of subconscious mind could determine our position. One position in life is never permanent. Doing things will either make it better or worse. But, doing nothing is certainly the only road to the worse place.

Huge part of the future is actually accumulations of the choices we made in the present. Small part yet the most important one is not ours. It’s actually the biggest factor who determines the result.

February is the exam month in the little girl’s music school and I am writing this while listening to her lesson which full of silly mistakes here and there.

(Big sigh).

Well, bon weekend then!

I wonder what’s stopping me to reach out to someone with problems unless they do it first?

Maybe it’s because I myself always feel uncomfortable reaching out to others when I have problems?

Or maybe I don’t like the feeling of knowing other people business and private life too much, like I don’t keen on others knowing mine?

Maybe because I mostly use my head more than my heart while from my observations, others do the opposite. I honestly find it hard to understand.

When I have trouble inside, writing is my healing. Been writing about everything since I was in the second grade of elementary. I agree with someone who says “normalize going to therapy”. In my case, for someone who doesn’t like talking and having the desire to talk about their problems to others, writing is the best, cheapest and easiest therapy that everyone could afford. Wrote this last year.

I didn’t know where it began, but I have so little trust in human. Even the one who said they loved you, been through many years of life’s ups and downs with you, could betray you easily. Talking from the real experience.

I fully realize the trust issue I deal with inside and how it impacts my behavior when it comes to dealing with other’s feeling. So, while I keep looking for some ways to deal with it better, I’d rather find the other alternatives to deal with any kind of life problems.

Other than writing, self-talking inside my head does help too, so does staying longer in the praying mat after daily prayer or right before the dawn. It’s inexplicably soothing. Your problem won’t disappear right away, but you get the strength to deal with whatever you should deal with.

There is one beautiful verse in Quran that said :

So, I don’t have better recommendations than turning to the One who will take care all of your affairs, no matter how small or big they are, whenever life throws some lemons to your face.

After all, why we should ask help from the weak one who’s not always reliable and accessible due to many reasons when we have unlimited access to The Most Exalted?

It’s weird that there is a period of life which could make me feel guilty in certain parts about living it.

Especially when you couldn’t help comparing it to others.

The common feeling that happens when you compare what you have with others is envy. But, instead of that, what appears is guilt.

First, the guilt of (sometimes) being (so) oblivious to the fact I have a lot of biases and using my own standard to measure things. Although, I totally understand that everyone is living different kind of season at the moment. Some are still on the sowing stage while for others they are already on the reaping period.

I have known since long that life is not fair and never fair, but in an unpleasant way.

Knowing that life is also not fair in a good way is new to me.

Here’s another guilty part : how little has been done to return all the favors bestowed.

There’s no question about being grateful. But, in a way, it’s funnily confusing a little bit and here comes the second guilt : how come He granted things to the smallest detail? Is this really okay? Do we really get what we deserve? We human sometimes love making things sound more complicated than it seems.

Are we done with the guilt? Apparently no.

Here’s the third one : knowing how little has been done to return all the favors bestowed upon us. There’s this annoying feeling inside that sometimes I take things for granted and we should have done better than this.

Duh.

I have to keep reminding myself that any positions in life is temporary. Where you are right now is not permanent. It’s really a reminder to keep these feet on the ground.

One thing I learn from having these guilts : staying sober is an underrated skill in life. Maybe this is why people get drunk easily when life is on their side. Thinking it would stay forever.

The test of true characters can be shown in two situations :

The patience when one has nothing.

The humility when (s)he has everything.

I found the first one is way much easier than the latter.