Wonder if there’s any groups of people who feels this high level of anxiety of having old normal school life back in our life.
I know I have been screaming pretty loudly about how school closure costs a lot to many aspects of the children’s life, now when it finally opens again, it turns out has its own cost too.
Peaceful morning replaced by morning rush, long drive, and dealing with traffic jam.
The anxiety about sending back the little girl to school is more of how she would deal with her peers than the healthy and safety reason. Of course, they matter. But, with every precautions that have been taken, guess we could just trust the school and ask for Allah protection about the decision.
But then, she has to do what she has to do. I just hope she will meet the kind ones that would accept and be happy playing with her.
When I thought leaving the little girl at school is the most anxious thing to do. It turned out, having plenty of free time causes even more anxieties!
Freedom and free time without proper plan is more frightening than having tight schedule. That’s why I mostly plan my day 7 days a week. Not knowing what to do next always gives certain helplessness feeling inside.
Staying at home suits me most. But, there are times when I miss being a bit ‘busier’ to certain degree. The problem is I have plenty of requirements what kind of busy I want to sign up.
One of the reasons why I quitted full time job 12 years ago was because I started realizing time is the commodity that you couldn’t replace (have a draft about this but still can’t continue after weeks).
That was the first time I got the magic words inside my head “there should be more life than this”. This referred to spending entire Monday to Friday working and went home exhausted and had no energy to do other thing. What made me survive was because I had dreams to achieve. Thus, I worked also on Saturday and Sunday. I believe, the very first thing you should possess to achieve any dreams is not intangible thing like spirit or grit, but money. Then, no other way than working 7 days a week.
But, the situation is totally different now. I am more than lucky to be able to have a choice to stay at home with the little girl without worrying about food, rent, or even any other expenses, for now.
There are times when it was so hard till I promised my self I had no other space for anything else. But, there were also times when I had handful of free time till I thought I should be more useful than this.
When I seem to have clear schedule to the smallest detail for the little girl, I struggle a lot to have one for me.
During easy days, when the little girl stuff is done, I fell into a trap of doing mindless scrolling here and there. Pretty lucky there is a tiny part inside the head that rings the alarm and told myself to get my butt out of the couch and start functioning. My day begins at the end of a tidy home and clear sink. At the beginning of this year, I even set a daily reminder how much time I should spend daily watching people’s life in social media.
The biggest enemy is indeed inside yourself.
To say I am totally without any works to do is indeed not true. But, those sometimes feel inadequate to keep me ‘busy’. The thing is the free time is not something that consistently available. Sometimes I have it, many times I don’t. So, it is quite tricky to have another responsibility that won’t cause trouble with the ones that I have signed up before. Although fitting in to those requirements is quite impossible, I still keep trying to find one, still without deadline.
This period reminded me of one period that I had been through. The period before Paris happened. The period of too hopeless to be hopeful (because there seemed no way to get there), yet too scared to give up.
These days I feel like replaying U2 song all the time inside my head,
“I still haven’t found what I am looking for”.
But, Steve Jobs said,
“Keep looking, don’t settle”.
Then, I will.
It felt so incredible to be finally able to push the publish button for this post that had been staying on the draft folders for months.
Last year closed with some chaos, boggling mind and uneasy heart.
But, as always, problems mostly came with solutions. The pattern that I recognized whenever a problem aroused : it was bad, getting worse, then became the worst until it would get better and found the solution.
The period until hitting the rock bottom was indeed the hardest. Days went through anxiously. Hours spent waiting and kept looking the best way out.
When we thought we had found the solution, turned out it wasn’t enough. I learned that a good intention alone wasn’t enough. For certain situation, it could be largely misunderstood.
Last Monday one of the most intense days of this year, so far. Kept moving from one place to another doing things, driving in silence having conversation inside the head. Asked The One Who Deals with all affairs for some guidance. To be directed to right path to deal with this problem.
It never ceases to amaze me about the way your request answered. After a whole week in the dark, then the light just came. Slowly then suddenly.
That Monday, a trouble that had put so much weight on the chest finally lifted.
This recent chronicle made me more certain that dealing with human is the most complicated thing.
Dealing with kind of humans a whole day on that Monday was beyond exhausting.
The arrogant type, money without manner. The entitled one, request without respect. The full of bullshit one, talk with loud speaker, act in whisper.
But, among that three, thankfully I also dealt with the tactful and smart kind, one who focused on finding solution and made it happen.
Tough opening yet, my heart filled with so much gratitude that we passed another test with some price yet, all was clear.
It gave mixed feeling to describe this year. Incredible with some anxieties along the journey. Guilty yet absolutely grateful.
For the first time in three years, we don’t move place and renew the rent contract for another year. It’s nice skipping boxes and luggages after three years in a row dealing with those. The current place felt so much like home.
The greatest blessing for this year comes from something that often we take for granted, yet priceless and nothing more important than that.
Everyone is being healthy all through the year, despite facing two periods where the doctor had to deal with extremely high tension Covid situation in the hospital. It was nothing but Allah’s protection.
This year also came with some huge bonuses, like doing glamping and hiking for the first time and obtain such result on the little girl’s first international exam.
A huge milestone was celebrated this year. As huge as safely passed the first seven years. The last month of the year also marked the ninth year of surviving marriage life. Definitely not a walk in the park, yet many things to be grateful for.
This year seemed running smoothly until it dropped a small bomb on these last days. Currently dealing with some headaches regarding little things in the bussiness we run.
It’s always little things that make us slip and the price of ignoring little things has always been bigger than we can afford. It costs the peace of mind.
One of my favorite quotes from The Man Who Dies to Live :
Life is like weather. Clear days and dark clouds are for everyone. That’s nothing much that will kill you.
Hope so. Yet, it is totally different feeling between saying this during sunny days with smiling face and whole-heartedly spelling this with heavy breathing during dark sky.
May we have all the strength and the resiliency to face everything that 2022 brings.
Just returned from two nights stay in the heart of Bogor. Specific destination was Bogor Botanical Garden.
We ended up with a great stay in a semi budget hotel in front of the Garden, in a room with five star view from the window and excellent breakfast. Found an Indonesian Specialty Coffee shop that we visited twice in two days, a visit to zoology museum inside the garden, a hearty dinner in a restaurant with an-hour waiting list (for us, it was worth the wait, fyi).
If you visit Bogor, stay in Ibis Styles Pajajaran is recommended. Ask for city view room and enjoy this kind of view from the window.You’ll have Gunung Salak on the right and Gunung Pangrango on the left.Why go with trustable hotel chain? Three star with five star breakfast choices. Not only they have wide range of choices , the taste is excellent. Ibis Styles Pajajaran is part of Accor Group.
As always, we were up early and got all the best worms. Bogor Botanical Garden is located right in front of the hotel. But, the gate in front of the hotel was closed so we had to circle around to the main gate, we didn’t mind at all. Bogor now has great pedestrian facilities.
Big pavements on the right and left in Bogor City Centre.
We spent around three hours inside. Our first stop was bike rent for the doctor. I prefered stay on my feet. Then, we stopped by zoology museum. It was a small museum with average collections. But, it was clean and seemed well-maintaned. Ticket price is Rp 25.000/person. It is perfect museum introduction for the kid of her age.
English and Indonesian captions are available in Zoology Museum.
The garden visit itself was enjoyable. Again, because we were early, we didn’t see crowd within our sight. It was far from empty, but since it is a huge garden, there is enough space to enjoy for everyone.
A nature visit is always be a good reminder how tiny a human is compared to many other creatures in this world.
Next, food.
We found a specialty Indonesian coffee shop within walking distance from the hotel. We stopped by for the first time to have lunch after three hours spent in Kebun Raya. From Kebun Raya, we went here by angkot. Rode on an angkot in Bogor gave certain feeling of good old days during college.
It was quite long wait for the food, because they were short of staff, yet we enjoyed the waiting because we had nothing to do. The place has nice ambiance, we just spent talking about things. The first day coffee was great for me, I loved it. On the second day I ordered banana cake it was also good. The main dish that we ordered was just okay for me.
Kopi Spectrum
Just like when I went to Paris for seven days, the thought went to my father a lot during the trip. That was the fuel to make the London trip in 2017 happened. A sudden idea popped in my head during my morning walk in the garden, texted and called him for several times asked whether he wanted to join us. He said okay when I offered him to book a room. So we got company on the second day.
We chose a restaurant that we have never visited before, and of course my dad hadn’t too. Turned out it was quite full and when we came we got 13 queues of waiting list. We usually are not the type who is willing to wait that long for food, but we had no better options at that time, so we chose to wait. After an hour, and occasional nagging, the wait was over.
Two things that made up the long waiting were : the helpful and accommodating staff, until we tipped her personally, and the food came so quickly and the taste were excellent.
Medja Reataurant
As always, we’re never the ambitious type for every trip that we have taken to. Specific destination yes, but not one full of itineraries. Mostly enjoyed a laid back one. Slow yet long walking. Stopped by the park for ice cream or playground, nap time, afternoon walk for food, home by maghrib or at least isya, and bed by 8-9 pm. Just like what we do at home.
In this trip, we got everything that everyone needed. Overall, it was two days stay in a three star hotel with five star experiences!
This weekend we had done one of the most complicated duets so far.
On Saturday, we practised for more than an hour, took for more than 50 recordings (excluding the many times we did without record it) and still could’t get the tempo right. The song was still above 1 minute. Kept breaking my promise ‘this is the last time’ to her. I finally ended the practice after we got it to 57s although mistakes scattered everywhere.
We tried again on Sunday. Unlike the previous day where I had to deal with both playing and recording, this time we got the doctor to handle the camera.
We did the duet at the end of session on Saturday and did it at the beginning on Sunday. On Saturday, it was the first practice, so I had to put it after we did any other homeworks. While on Sunday, we just needed to refine some details here and there, although it was also far from easy.
Hard practice on Saturday really paid off. That day, we finally settled on the 20th take.
It reminded me of the lines from my current finished reading that explained our situation through a research done 30 years ago.
The research :
Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin
The finding :
“How much they practised” is talent
We managed to go from 58s to 49s. Nine seconds made all the difference. Just by one day, deliberate practice improved everything from tempo, details, rhytm, and of course, confidence.
What separates good from great sometimes only a little bit of patience.
This song arguably is the most enjoyable and satisfying duets for this year and the past two years since we started doing duet for the first time.
An ordinary piano practice session turned out to be a quite big meltdown when she finally ‘exploded’ after I told her to repeat same piece several times because her hands position didn’t show any improvements.
It was quite lucky and rare day since the dad was around. So he helped calming her down. The convo itself was quite funny and innocent. Several lines really made me burst into laugh.
Some lines like :
“Is the piano hurt you? Ok then, so, I’ll just donate it, so you won’t feel hurt anymore”.“NO! The piano didn’t hurt me. MOMMY HURT ME!!”
A scene while her dad hugged her,
“She’s better than you in playing piano, so you should listen to her,”. *took her face off from her dad shoulder and answered fiercely, “I AM BETTER THAN HER!”.
I recorded this scene and it got shaky in an instant, even her dad couldn’t help laughing out loud.
It was so unimaginable such statement could come from her mouth.
Yah, not everyday is full of rainbow and sunshine. Sometimes it’s dark clouds with thunderstorm.
Meltdowns, anger, lost the temper are things happened behind the closed door.
Although it’s not pleasant, that is part of normal life.
Who dont resent their parents for some (or many) reasons?
Who never yell at their kids? Here’s one truth from Mark Ruffalo.
Agree, Mark.
Also, the more time you spend with someone, the more they’ll see your bad side. That’s why, space between is needed.
But, in spite of everything, I would still choose to do this over anything else.
One bad day is just one bad day. It won’t define the whole life.
If we analysed her statement, there was so much truth on it. She is obviously FAR MUCH BETTER than me when I was at her age, not only in piano but in many things in life, which indeed something to be grateful for.
Never I would imagine a seven years old would have already been to many countries, lived abroad, spoke English fluently, got a distinction in an internationally certified exam, and many more.
But, it is also not magical, considering how much different set of situations she has. She gets amount of supports, opportunities, talents, starting line, and many more that I didn’t have back then.
Mathemacially speaking, the bigger and the better quality of your input and the earlier you start, the greater your output will be.
So, if we compare my (piano) achievement (or anything) and hers at this age, that is like comparing duku and cherry.
Thus, kind of statement like “Dulu mama umur segini udah bisa, bla, bla” is never valid.
I can’t and won’t deal with her the same way I had been dealt with in the past.
No space for argument and opinion, no room for questioning things in the past. Now, we spare so much room for those things about everything.
Apology rarely given because parents were always right and silent treatment became a normalized punishment, now we apologize and make up right away when we make mistake, and move on.
Hugs and kisses are thrown generously.
How I (we) parent today are very much different than how I was parented.
The big question,will it produce better generation?
That’s one thing I totally have no idea and would really love to know the answer.
Because, many times, life couldn’t be predicted as simple as mathematical equation.
Playing outdoor as much as we can becomes the main agenda during this holiday.
1. Taman Puring
Once in a while, try to bring this little girl (and of course, her mother) out of her (our) bubble.
Going by public transportation, waiting for the bus under the sun, riding on angkot with other people, dealing with this unfriendly-for-pedestrian city on her scooter (to be fair, it’s improving, a lot).
There was certain indescribable feeling watching her ‘playing’ with the kids in the public park. It was totally different with those she had in paid-playground.
Pity for a rare chance to enjoy this kind of surroundings and environment during her childhood, in this city.
Guilty for bare minimum ability to provide free play with strangers, with less supervision and close to zero instruction. Something that I really miss about the time spent in other country.
Although I would elaborate more, yet couldn’t mix and match the right words to explain it in a simple way.
But then, since when raising a kid (particularly, in this country) could be described as simple?😏
The smirk might be the simplest explanation that I could provide for now.
2. Taman Lapangan Banteng
Consulted online maps several times and it only showed the usual route and modes to go to this park from our place,which I didn’t really approve (Like kamp melayu).
After some thinking and searching, found that we could reach this place by coming through another more pleasant route,from the opposite way.
It only took one short bus riding from home’s nearest bus stop then changed to another 20 minutes one.No traffic jam,few traffic lights, and better view outside the window.
The mathematician Carl Jacobi was known for his ability to solve problems by following a strategy of man muss immer umkehren which is loosely translated, “invert,always invert”.
It’s one of my strategies whenever dealing with my many requirements yet limited resources (money, time, energy) to get many things in life as I once wrote longer here.
Through inversion I managed to find ways that allowed us to go to many places.
You tend to be more creative when everything is limited.
How to get here on time by the schedule in spite the distance? Not by leaving early and neglecting previous tasks, but instead, finding faster route.
How to raise an independent kid? Not by providing more, but helping less.
(Most) schools don’t teach such important thing called inversion, they even rarely teach proper thinking. Isn’t only right and better that we should?
One semester done safely in a fully bahasa Indonesia school.
Definitely far from an ideal school judged from its curriculum and instructions delivery, but it meets 70-80% of what we need and expect from a school, for now.
(For now is such an important keyword. Because, honestly, I still keeep looking and learning about many other schools out there. Just in case)
From being totally silent on the first month during morning circle to refusing to be unmute and kept saying things with her broken bahasa Indonesia.
From asking lots of translations during lesson to turning down any help, asked the interpreter to stay away from her, did all daily meetings and school works independently.
Although she still has a lot to catch up and the bahasa Indonesia is still far from adequate level, she nailed and understood most of the exam questions well. Did all the exams on her own, based on her understanding.
These kind of stuff were important for us, and no single score on her report card could measure and describe such things.
Full mark for the subjects that are obviously below her level, like Math and English, and surprisingly Science. Acceptable result for the subjects that are just good to know (or close to zero importance for a grade 1 to know). Mostly subject that both the content and the words used in the exam question are too complicated, even for other students without any problems. I said it because other parents raised this issue as well.
Overall, first semester of school has been exceed expectation (because we set it pretty low).
I found balance in our current school format right now. I know for sure, I am not ready for 100% home education, but I don’t want school becomes the main actor of her education. Currently, school feels more like an extracurricular. Her afternoon classes are those we considered more important than the morning ones (from school).
In morning classes we train and improve her weakness, like speaking in front of others, using bahasa Indonesia in daily conversation, answering questions, mostly about that. I couldn’t expect too much from the learning contents.
While afternoon classes and other things she learns independently at home are about playing to her strengths. Daily early morning quran piano classes and another afternoon islamic one, daily piano practices and two classes, doing more chores at home, reading more books in both languages, and also write on her journal.
After having some thought and looking at many resources, threw the first holiday plan made to the bin and changed it to a totally different plan.
More worksheets were the least she needed during this holiday.
Holiday means having more time and space for things we couldn’t do during reguler school days.
Like longer hours for Quran and piano (lho?). A little bit of morning nap time. Less hurry ups heard in the morning.
Go with something that she missed (like being around friends who speaks in her comfort zone), things that I want her to master, or things she actually enjoys but I don’t (like art and craft of course).
More new books to read,more experiences around the town to see more life than one she lives in the 30th floor.
Annual birthday decoration : simple and no hassles.
It felt like there’s a frog in my throat.
I have been looking forward to this day with many kind of different feelings. It is relieving in one side yet heart-breaking in another side. I felt like having so much to say yet couldn’t write as much as I wanted to say.
I once wrote in this post how Islamic parenting also divided the span of a child’s life into three big stage of 7 years and how it aligned with so many reaearches from western world. One of them explained by this paper, quoting Dr. Bruce Lipton :
I fully understand long before how huge the impact of the first 7 years to a human life, if it’s not everything.
Does knowing all these informations help me doing all things for these 7 years? Indeed.
Yet, does knowing all these informations make doing those things easier? I wish.
What I realized is while I consciously know all the theory and been trying my best to apply it into practical situation, along the way I realized more than parenting and raising my little girl, there was more important thing happened along this journey: to reparent and raise my own self.
It felt like going on a journey that I didn’t know included in the itinerary. Visiting places in the past that made me wonder and think a lot. How much, how huge, and how significant the influence of those who raised us for the early years of our life.
In my plans, some of things that I don’t want to copy from the past looked easy. But, I could see life smirked at me. Knowing all those theories is not enough to make all the (bad) parenting done by my parents dissapeared. In fact, many times, I truly passed the baton to the litte girl of many things that my parents have done to me and it was totally hard to against that because it was all in my subconscious mind.
So, if there’s someone who said “I wont be like my parents to my child”, then, wait until she/he is a parent him/herself and look what happened.
Willpower alone is not enough to fight against the urge to not repeating the cycle. No matter how much you tried to not doing the same harm you received, it kept appearing. Maybe that’s why it said it is important to be mindful parents. So you know what you’re doing. You know when it is not right so you can repair as much and as fast as you can.
So far, maybe that has been the best thing I have done in this first seven years. To avoid repeating the same cycle, the best that I can do is repairing as quickly as I can whenever I did some damage to her, which is a lot (like I wrote here).
‘I am sorry’ said in an instant, for countless time. ‘I love you’ thrown generously. The two medecines regularly consumed along this journey are many many hugs and kisses
These seven years have been the period when I realized how much works should be done not only outside but also inside. These have been the periods where I learned to let go, to forgive, and to move on from many things in the past. Forgive and move on needed so we can do better than what the parents had done so the future generation would not have what we had.
These seven years have been the period when I realized how much damage parents can do to a child yet how strong the love is in spite of all those damages done. But, in the other hand, it finally came to our sense, being them was not easy. Maybe like what I am doing now, they also just did what they know best for us. These seven years have been the period of continous repairment and the daily struggle to break the cycle in hoping that the little girl would have a better set of situations when she makes a choice to be a parent herself.
The words in dua for parents where we ask forgiveness for the parents became make sense to me. More than the child to them, the parents did wrong more to the child more than they realized.
Being a parent is a job that one should take seriously, spare enough time, not only for doing, but also for thinking. Being a parent is not an autopilot job. It requires your full energy. More than just feeding and clothing, the thinking part to know where you go,fixing, resting, and curing ourself, those are equally important parts as well.
I remembered few years ago when I was so busy doing things outside, what left when arrived at home was exhaustion. The impatient me was only getting worse, being crankier more than the little girl herself. Projecting my incapability to manage my emotions to her.
I took some decisions to cut off my working schedule and it was one of the best decisions made so far. It was when I realized that I couldn’t replace physical presence. Quality over quantity is only applicable if you are sure you can give the same amount of energy at home like when you are outside. For me, it was impossible.
If I allow to reevaluate myself from two different points of view, myself and the little girl, I am not totally proud of me yet I am beyond grateful for everything she is.
But then, in spite of the damages, I have done many things within my power in every stage of her life. For that, I have no single regret.
I have no regret staying close to her almost 24/7 from day one. Whether during the time when money was tight, or the time when I am able to make such choice leisurely, staying close to her is something that I won’t negotiate.
I have no regrets stubbornly breastfeed her for 2,5 years despite the drama and pain along those periods. For this part, I am so proud of me because believing in myself when everyone kept suggesting to open that formula milk box during early months.
I have no regrets taking care of her without any other helps than his father and few times with the close relatives because I didn’t want her to observe anyone than us at home, for a long period in the day.
I have no regrets teaching her to sleep and eat well. Those two are the very first rights that a carer should give to a child for them to lead a healthy life, which I have written so many times.
I am beyond humbled to be granted chances to be her first teacher in many things in her life. To learn together about things I never knew important before, to be a better person because someone is watching closely.
I am quite lucky in spite of my (and his father) lots of lacking, she is growing up to be what she is.
The great Greek philospher, Aristotle once said : Give me a child until (s)he is 7 and I will show you a (wo)man.
Then, here she is.
A little girl with many admirable qualities who keeps trying her best in everything, who’s willing to try new adventures, who’s always curious, who sleeps and eats very well, who reads massively, who displays self-discipline and empathy, whose mind I sometimes couldn’t understand how it works.
A lucky girl who’s so far able to grow healthily, close to never being sick. Been experiencing many things, exposed to lots of knowledges, exploring many places, playing in many playgrounds around the world, having great fun in different kind of weather, overcome her struggle, getting the earliest interventions for her conditions from the best help available, introduced to many good habits since early years and keep sticking to them, always shows enthusiasm in everything she does. So many privileges that shouldn’t be taken for granted.
To say she is lucky is one thing. But, I think it’s us the parents who have been riding along her fortune. She might not realize how much her presence elevate many things in her parents life. We surely won’t go this far without her.
Despite all those good things, I still have tons of worries about her. Things that mostly beyond my control and there’s not much I can do about that other than keep trying what we could do, what we could afford within our power. There are times when I question everything like, “is this all we could do?”
Heading to the second 7 years scared me more than the first one. This was my hardest period among the three. The period where I felt so lost for many times. The period where I should figure out so many things on my own and often it felt so frustrating. But, it was also the period where I grew exponentially, in many aspects mentally. It was the period where I learned the most about real life. Something that I didn’t know I need until many years later.
I am torn between scared of giving, watching or letting this girl experience such hard times yet also scared of choosing the easy way by avoiding it.
Fiuh. A birthday post has never been this gloomy.
Well, guess I have said enough.
Happy birthday, Be.
I am so sorry for many things I have done to you and haven’t done for you.
You’re doing great and I believe you will keep doing so.
I wish you all the strength and resiliency you need to face everything you will meet in your life.
To call myself your mother is one of the greatest gifts life gives to me.
J.K. Rowling wrote 7 legendary books started with how it would end. So did these Seven posts. I started writing the last one for months with constant editing then slowly, the other years followed, from two short rows, to maximum characters allowed. All had been done with rigorous editing weekly.
These are absolutely set of posts written with continous tears wiping knowing this best time of life would never return. For the past few weeks (hm, ok, months), I have been silently crying knowing bidding farewell to this best period of her life, one which influence she will carry for the rest of her life, is near. I just hope I didn’t waste and miss any of it too much.
There was one night when me and her dad sat on the couch together, silently choosing some pictures. The silence broke and he said, “Aduh, jadi sedih banget, udah banyak banget yang dilewatin ya,” Indeed.
Seven posts surely couldn’t capture the whole picture of everything that happened along these years. Yet, it gave a glimpse of how much three of us grow for the past seven years, personally and as a family.
Reaching this big milestone safely, after doing all the best within our power, is indeed one of this year’s biggest blessing.
The colors of this morning golden hours.Magnificent present from huge sky to another little sky.
Physically. Mentally. Like a caterpillar turned into a butterfly, everything was transformed beautifully, in the right time.
Above the paper, she might be delayed in some parts.
Above the paper, she is someone with disorder.
But, I finally came to understand that she, as a WHOLE human being, is not left behind and lack of something. She is always right where she is supposed to be, as she is.
She is far more capable and able beyond her label. The label only makes us understand her better. It’s not an excuse to limit her from pursuing anything. Some disorder and difficulties would never define her.
Pandemic brought certain blessing in disguises. It gave us a chance to do all five times prayers for the first time, the first Ramadan fasting at home, in spite of the long hours of fasting in spring.
It was by far, one of the most peaceful Ramadans in my life.
The starting line where homeschool took over the majority of her education.
Being in-charge and having ownership to most of your child’s education according to what you value important is liberating.
A year that showed some little changes in daily routine and discipline took us higher more than the expected level.
Doing few little things daily and consistently made those years of feeling left-behind turned to some good feeling of knowing where the strengths lie.
A year when we turned our focus from what she couldn’t do or lacked of to the things that she could do so well, which, they are MANY.
It was amazing how little shift on your mindset could elevate things better, higher than expected.
For me, it was the most enjoyable year of motherhood so far. A year where I had a chance to take care of myself the best after years of being the last above everyone else at home.
A year which allowed me to return to things I love doing. To put back a heavy-reader badge on my chest. To have many conversations with myself during long walks around the beautiful city leisurely. There were periods when I felt so overwhelmed by gratitude, wondering how could this happen for so many times. Wondered how could this be real. How life suddenly became this crazy in a good way?
During my solo walking around the city, enjoying everything with my senses, I constantly reminded myself, to really remember this period, whenever bad times comes (which was certain), that life once was this beautiful.
A year full of gratitude to be granted chances to experience and learning so many new things from new people I met.
That year felt like the sweetest dessert at the end of a decade.
A Penny for My Pensieve 