I was having breakfast this morning and suddenly laughed at myself. Laughing at the state I had my breakfast in the last one year compared to the old days. Then, felt like writing about some changes I have experienced before and after motherhood. A huffpost parent-ish one. (You wish).
Before motherhood, breakfast done peacefully. Sitting on the chair, sipping the hot tea slowly, enjoying every bite of my chocolate sprinkles bread. The tea must be hot. Hot as boiled. Not warm. I remade it if it was no longer boiled.
After motherhood, well, breakfast almost always done in rush . Standing while doing other chores. Sipping my almost cold tea (my standard of cold is like warm for others) and biting the chocolate sprinkles bread, all done while going back and forth preparing other’s breakfast.
Before motherhood, eating good food was all about myself. While after that, whenever I taste something good, the first thing came into my mind was the thought of my baby would like this one. Then if possible, I would cut the best part for her to eat later.
Before motherhood, after working shopping was done at least twice a month. Buying this and that for myself. Enjoying no matter how long it took then went home without any worries as if someone waited at home. I just simply told my mum that I went shopping first before went home.
After motherhood, alas, the last thirty minutes of working spent by looking non-stop at the watch. Couldn’t wait a minute longer and ran home in an instant. Felt like few seconds late would make so much differences. Sounds so exaggerate, but that was me during the first months of my motherhood.
On the shopping part, buying something for the baby now is giving much more happiness than buying for myself. Trying new pair jeans and suddenly staring at cute little shoes, then in the end, put back the jeans and went to the cashier with a pair of new baby shoes and some toys. Just like that. Surprisingly, felt no less happier.
Before motherhood, a small cute sling back was enough for me whenever I went out. A wallet, mobile phone, and praying dress were all I brought everywhere. No more no less.
After motherhood, having those three left at home won’t cause any panic attack more than leaving changing diapers and clothes, snacks, the meal, even a blender and the chair some days back then.
Before motherhood, the first thing to do once I arrived at home after work was resting and lazing around. Doing this and that slowly, or I just went sleep straightly.
Now? Put down the bag somewhere and transforming into the rabbit energizer battery. Preparing here and there, taking care this and that, changing clothes then proceed to the next tasks. Resting must wait. Unless you want to rest first and be even more tired later.
Before motherhood, I was a full time night sleeper. 9 pm – 4 am. Now, I am doing part time. Having night shift of breastfeeding is unavoidable. Adding more sleep hours? Possible, IF, there were at least one staying helper in this house. Were.
Do those above sound explaining how unpleasant motherhood is?
I don’t mean to. It just points out the truth behind motherhood. It’s not a mere role. It’s a battle that some women willingly choose to fight.
The occasional stress, fatigue, bad days, and any other similar things are surely undeniable. But, it also comes with the happy feeling being with the baby, being present every her waking time, witnessing how fast she grows, and witnessing your self-transformation.
It’s the change I’ve never thought I would become few years ago. The strength I didn’t knew exist inside of me. The limit I’ve never expected to endure until the worst condition came and I safely passed it. Sometimes, with flying colors.
When someone ask me whether I would like to go back to my carefree days, my answer will be very clear. No matter how good the past was, the present and future always seem a better deal for me.
Beside, trading Langit presence with those old good days? Are you kidding me? Hell, NO.
Well, that’s it for now.
Bonne journée, peuple!
A Penny for My Pensieve 