This year, life lessons are spread throughout the year.
Although not everything is well understood, writing it here and ranting about it is enough.
A few years ago, I thought the human heart was more liquid than fluid. It changes depending on where we put it.
I turned out wrong.
A human heart is more like a void. It screams to be filled, and how you fill it depends on where the Aql stands.
Aql is not (just) brain.
Arabic defines Aql (iqal) as a heavy cord.
An action to tie the camel’s front leg and bind it so the animal didn’t rise and wander into the dark. A camel that wanders at night rarely comes back. That’s the root, Aql.
Not thinking, bur restraining.
A camel is strong and useful, and can carry a lot on its back. But it will follow the next shimmer that looks like water, without a second thought.
That is exactly like one’s untrained nafs and desires. Not purely evil, just untamed.
The Quran mentions Aql around fifty times and it’s never a noun, always a verb.
Aql appears in the forms Ya’qilun and Ta’qilun. “Don’t you use your reason?”
It’s not something that one possesses. It’s something we do again and again.
At first, I thought Aql is related to brain, especially the Prefrontal Cortex. One that is responsible for many aspects of human’s behavior.
Executive functions for decision-making and planning. Impulse and emotional control, and personality and social behaviour that shape identity, empathy, and moral judgement.
It’s part of the brain that is only fully developed until one turns twenty-five. So it makes sense that teenagers often make wrong decisions, plan poorly, and have less emotional control. (Although when it comes to my own daughter, it is really hard to preach what I write).
Interestingly, the Quran doesn’t place Aql in the head. In QS 22:46, it says :
So have they not traveled through the earth and have hearts by which to reason and ears by which to hear? For indeed, it is not eyes that are blinded, but blinded are the hearts which are within the breasts.”
The rope isn’t held by the brain, but held with one’s heart.
Returning to the earlier paragraph about how a human heart is like a void, a YouTube conversation with an ustad explains that the human heart has a space that can’t be filled with anything like the presence of another human being, achievements, travelling, self-care, or any other things. It can only be filled with the remembrance of Allah.
In short, for countless times, back to Tauhid.
One can have a brilliant mind, a high-paying job, a thriving career, a happy family, strong muscles, and many blessings that reflect a successful life on the outside and still not feel they have enough. Still, one wanders here and there, following the glittering path, and might not return.
It’s what happens to someone with no or weak Aql. Their mind and heart are not in the right place.
It’s the reflection of an untied cord and an empty heart.
And what should be known is that it won’t be tied and filled as time goes by, or as one ages; it will remain untied unless something is done from within. Not once, but constantly, continuously, and by asking sincerely for the help from The Most Helpful and Merciful.
This realisation doesn’t make it feel better, but it is an important part of processing the emotions and a piece of understanding to make a better decision making.
Building strong ties takes continuous training throughout life. It helps to build a strong foundation in the early years because, after a certain age, character is cemented.
I am writing this as a reminder to myself. To keep strengthening the tie as long as I live, so the heart won’t lose sight of what’s important.
A few weeks ago, Google Photos showed a memory from fourteen years ago.
Fourteen years ago marked a monumental moment: the start of real adulthood.
Departed for Hajj in October and lasted till November, right when the fourth seven-year cycle began. It felt like battlefield training that Allah prepared me for- many of the things life threw at me right after I returned.
Fourteen years later I was granted another chance to perform Hajj.
Being invited twice for Hajj, maybe Allah wants to remind me once again who is in control. To remind me who has been dealing with so much worry about many uncertainties of upcoming life seasons. It is as if Allah said: “I am the only hope and rope you have. Trust Me”.
It has always been a reminder that life won’t get easier, and all the painful things that happened to me are part of Allah’s mercy to build me from the inside out. Something that no other human would take from me unless I allowed it.
I choose that perspective over and over again to keep this weak heart, mind, and Iman intact amidst all the heartbreak, trial, and turbulence of this lowly dunya.
To say it firmly and clearly to myself, “I’ve got this” because Allah has always said, “I’ve got you.”
To write this long ranting is not easy. To really apply everything that is written, that’s another level of hard.
To close this, if I could summarise all the circumstances that teach me lessons, maybe it comes down to this :
Everything in this life is fleeting.
Feelings.
Emotions.
Promises.
Happy days.
Stormy period.
Sit with the pain. Dance with the rain.
Smile while you fly. Laugh when you cry.
Nothing lasts forever.
Enjoy the ride and always take care of your heart.
This post somehow feels similar to this one from a year ago.
