Author: arlanadya

Going around with public transportation is one of the most enjoyable things to do in a city.

Wandering aimlessly is therapeutic. It’s space and time needed to declutter the mind.

Somehow, I feel safer being inside the bus or angkot more than taxi and I prefer Kopaja or metromini to Transjakarta. I love watching people and having small talk with taxi driver is such a torture.

I once survived a year lived in Jakarta alone (without the parents) when I was 12 years old, went here and there by public transportation.

Went to school every morning at 5.15 by Bus 213 Grogol-Kampung Melayu which the route was practically passing almost every part of the city. From west, south to east. I was so grumpy went through it daily. After 213, I still had to chase another angkot which discriminated schoolers badly since they didnt pay full fare. There were days when I really had to hang outside the angkot. Crazy. It was totally exhausting. I almost always arrived at school tired and messy.

But, when you were desperate enough, then you would find a way. While sardened in the 213 bus, for few days, I paid attention and found out this bus passed the flyover to my school. So when I stopped nearby, I just need to walk shortly then continue with the same angkot but heading to the opposite direction which was always empty! So, I just had to stop across my school and went through the pedestrian bridge. Voila.

My life changed drastically by this new finding. Instead of leaving home at 5.15, I could leave a bit longer around 5.40. Instead of arrived at school very close to bell ringing at 7 am, I arrived at school 40 minutes before when the school was still empty. This new route only took 20 minutes instead of 1,5 hours.

How the same route looked totally different from another point of view.

I was so proud of myself.

The journey returning home was no better. Went home by Patas AC 55 Pondok Kopi-Grogol which only available once every 1 hour. Missed the schedule, chose between waiting for another one hour or changing 4 bus and angkot to home. Of course, I chose the easiest one. Life was hard enough already at that time.

Weekly trip from piano course which finished at 21.30 and dealt with the scary and dark terminal Manggarai to take bus 78 Manggarai-Tangerang.

It was one of the hardest trainings in my adolesence years yet proven to be the most useful one. I knew a lot about Jakarta’s street without maps thanks to massive experience of going by public transportation that time.

After being a mother myself, I still couldn’t imagine how ‘brave’ my mother was (insane is more correct word actually) to let a 12 years old little girl went through this by herself.

From other’s point of view they might say it’s crazy, but what she did was actually doing her job properly. To let her child experienced something that she has to deal with. I really adored her strong heart and grateful for the choice she made for me.

Fast forward to recent years, I have been taking this litte girl since few years ago going around by public transportation and I hope to do it more often, for leisure and soon as the part of the training until she is ready to enjoy the fun on her own.

We went for early morning trip by angkot and new MRT few days ago as a warming up. I am more than happy having this little tough walker with me. No complain, no whining, although I knew it must be (a bit) tiring.

MRT Jakarta is such a big milestone for the city. It would be great having it all over the city. LRT is on the way and hope it will be ready soon.

Hope they will keep up the good work and we can continue enjoying more reliable and comfortable public transportation in the future.

Amin!

If others hope for great days and full of good things in the new year, I prefer going to the opposite.

Instead of thinking that better days are coming, the thought of let’s keep the seat belt fasten is much more soothing. It makes the brain and the heart dont lose the guard, keep alert, keep looking for the way out, stay firm and discipline to prepare for the worst.

If anything 2012 taught me, it was living with The Stockdale Paradox mindset, especially in abnormal situation or when life pushes you to face something that you have no experience which doesn’t give you the option to retreat and survive is the only way out.

The Stockdale Paradox in Jim Collins Good to Great book said :

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

The Stockdale Paradox is a survival mindset. I had been through a lot and survived with this. In 2014, once we knew we were expecting, the first thing we did was preparing the fund for c-section. That time, one was working part time, while the other one was a student with small income. We had no insurance to cover monthly check up, nor the delivery. We covered everything on our own expense.

We chose the hospital carefully, not the cheapest one, but the most comfortable one within our budget. We worked hard and saved religiously. But, was it running smoothly?

Of course, it wasn’t even close.

I had to be hospitalized once even only for two days. High d-dimer forced us to spend our saving for some expensive medecines during pregnancy.

No matter how much we prepare for c-section, it would be so hard on us financially after that. But then, the mantra has always been :

“Let’s always prepare for the worst and let Allah take care the rest”.

In the end, Allah really took care the rest as I once wrote in this post.

In 2020, the toughest event that we had to face is flying long haul during this pandemic situation. Scared is an underrated term to express this.

Been researching all about this for months. From the airline to the exact day to fly. I no longer chose the cheapest one, but the safest and most comfortable one within the budget.

If there was something that feared me most, it was other’s review about how unpleasant the treatment they experienced in Soetta. Unfriendly officer, disrespectful army men, even worse when it was crowded. I had all the worst case scenarios in my head.

But, there was nothing I could do about that other than asking The Most Powerful to take care the rest.

And that day, here is the picture when we arrived that Friday afternoon :

Soetta is far from crowded.

In fact, it was totally empty.

We met friendly officers, from immigration check to health counter, everything went smoothly until the end. I couldn’t describe how grateful I was for that day.

Next week and few weeks after would be the first uneasy battle to survive, among many we might (or would) face this year. Facing the battle that no one would know what the price to pay in the end. Sometimes, I think my heart couldnt handle this anymore. But there’s nothing I can do other than to deal with it.

No flowerly words needed for this new year. Surviving January alone safely means a lot and enough for me.

Remember, we are in no better situation regarding the pandemic in this country than few months ago. Since 10 months ago to be precise.

It’s bad. It’s getting worse and the worst part is hoping this will end in anytime soon is such a false hope.

Bonne année à vous!

Stay safe and stay sane.

For the last two years, at the end of December, I did a summary or some rant about things that happened in that year or my feelings about that. I didn’t plan to write any for this year. Not that I dont want to, but due to the high level anxiety towards next year. But, such incredible year is too important to let go.

If there’s anything we could take from everything we have been through this year, it is truly a great reminder to return and take care, first and foremost, basic things in life.

Mastering basic habits like sleep,eat and daily exercise well is a great advantage. Three things that have strong impact to our overall health, physically and mentally. Been writing few times that staying sane could be the most important achievement to deal with this year. Doing those three basic religiously is the (only) way to stay sane.

It’s also the year which truly show the real face of a country. Facing the same test given, each country deal with it differently. We surely have different situation and resources, but the main weapons to beat this pandemic are totally the same everywhere : wear your mask, wash your hands, avoid the crowd.

The main difference is the people. Personally, it feels like watching the result of the failure or the success from one’s educational system. I once wrote something about this here and just few weeks ago I found this picture below and voila, those the most resilience during this pandemic are exactly the same country with the best education system.

Reviewing the last 10 months of the situation here, lack of understanding and implementation about basic things and characters since early age is the root of all evils happened in this country and this pandemic brings out the worst of it.

We’re currently watching the result on the absence of some basic skills that supposed to be nurtured and mastered since early childhood :

Self discipline to deal with themselves in any situations. Following the rules, knowing right from wrong (like stealing social fund during this pandemic, really??), and many more.

Empathy to deal with others without prejudice, whatever background they have (like a neighbourhood who treats their own neighbour who suffers from covid like a germ that should be killed, I am lost for words).

Strong literacy and numeracy to understand how things work, the real situation scientifically, and make decision based on that (unlike the stupid useless government who’s been neglecting their people with their ignorance, killed so many who could have been saved, the highest death number of health care workers, and so many more).

I could go really long with this, but I wont.

This year is when gratitude and anxiety collide. Sometimes, it’s overwhelmingly confusing because you dont know which is the right one to feel. Looking back all the things happened, personally, it’s been a year full of countless blessings and a mere thank you to express the gratitude is not enough. It’s hard indeed, but to consider it’s bad, it doesn’t fit the definition.

But, whenever I look outside, it’s painful. I hope nothing but sincerely pray for everyone who’s been dealing with the hardships would be given the strength to keep going. This too shall pass.

Looking forward to next year, it would be a different battle to deal with. For me, January has always been the darkest winter. Literally and figuratively. By next week, we will return to the less humane (a polite way to say inhumane) shift schedule for the doctor.

My anxiety level was soaring while reading next month schedule yesterday and it’s only few days from now. Bad thought were running wild uncontrollably. The only way to soothe this is through the best ikhtiar and the highest tawakkul. Accept that we have no slightest power to control about the future nor the past.

Is the anxiety gone now? You bet.

Borrowing one of musical terms, 2021 seems like a Da Capo of previous years ago regarding few things like the shift schedule, some of daily life stuffs. In the other hand, it seems like a Dal Segno for certain part regarding the things happened outside. Like in London and some countries, it’s almost totally back to March again.

But, just like every Da Capo and Dal Segno, they all lead to al Fine. So we hope for this pandemic. It will lead to the end, although it would be best to keep our expectation low about the when.

Hope everyone always stay safe, healthy, and sane.

Amin.

PS : It’s quite hard to keep the tone that I want in the usual year end post.

These days it feel like living a throwback few years ago. The uncomfortable days of having constant thought called “What’s next?”.

This time, it even feels more intense because it wrapped with guilts and insecurities. Guilty about being far above ‘fine’ during this unprecedented year, insecure about the next things to do personally. I have several choices but dont really know how to start. Or maybe, still not really sure about starting it. I feel like torn between upgrading what has been running or starting new from the scratch.

I often wonder whether it is the side effect of staying at home all day with the little girl and it will be more months to go, or maybe another year? Even scarier knowing being outside, meeting with people is also not so recommended thing to do.

Unlike the last six months in London where I felt safe and so relieved being outside, here in Jakarta, whenever I am outside, I feel like my temperature rises and unwell. I continously keep reassuring myself everytime I go outside that I really have to do this and it’s for something essential.

After more than a year of absence from driving, I couldnt believe what a day of driving did to my body. No matter what the advertisings out there said, age doesnt lie. I felt like need two days rest after one day driving. How I missed reliable public transportation in London!

I am worried about many things and as always, it made me read more. As a result, I ended up with more worries. Blimey!

But, I took a tiny step today. For the first time in 10 years and months of consideration, I finally decided to upgrade the blog to a paid one for a simple reason : I want more of unposted London pictures in my blog and I need more storage for that.

For someone who’s too careful about money, deciding to spend money on something that could be done for free, then it must be really important. Thus, it took me months to come at such decision.

Congratulations on finding a tiny way out from your labyrinth, dear self.

Keep figuring out the rest of your homeworks.

It’s been two weeks since the end of our London days. Two crazy weeks of so many high tension and risky things with current situation. It’s a huge relief that we have been through everything safely.

Finally found another nest to rest for next one year. Repeating the cycle of house viewings for the third time in three years. Taking risks meeting strangers because we didnt have any choice other than that. Luckily, we found one that we liked quickly and all the process went smoothly. After a week of staying at Airbnb, we moved in.

Filling the house was another story. Countless shopping sessions, boxes of decluttered things at the old home, moving things here and there, arguing about things to buy, taking care minor defects that suddenly appeared.

After one week in holiday mode and another week in unsettled house, I couldn’t be more grateful to be finally feel at home and just stay at home without thinking about things we didn’t have and haven’t done. I couldn’t be happier to be finally able to return to daily routines. Breakfast with choices, piano training with the little girl, exercise with Heather, arranging cooking and meal schedules, and many more.

The whole this moving thing is surely tiring. But, if I looked back, I would choose doing this all over again than any other choices.

Next week would be another different jungle to face when the doctor will resume work. It feels walking on the thin line between overthinking of the worst case and putting the highest trust on the Protector of all things. Trying hard to keep the balance to avoid falling into the despair.

Keeping the sanity is a tough job this year. All the uncertainties, unpleasant surprises, sad news, and the sudden changes happened in an instant, staying sane is such an underrated achievement. The tiniest victory, baby step progress, they deserve celebration.

As tiny as being able to beat subuh and resume sahur after two weeks of absence, like today.

The decision to return was (also) a battle between the right over easy.

We dont have any obligations to return. Went here by our own expense, no official agreement with any places.

We got our visa extended for free by the government to another year even several offers to stay for good. People here kept questioning our decision to return.

It took months until I fully accept the idea. We’re about to lose all the safe and secured environment and heading to unknown jungle. I once again might return to the high tension of the first three months of first lockdown. Even worse. We’re about to lose all the support receieved for the little girl in her school. We leave when the vaccine is few weeks away.

I have many tantrums until this point. I am selfish. Judging for months about the way the official handling the crisis, oh COME ON. I am sick of this shitty government.

We’re about to lose many while having a choice to choose the opposite.

It started changing when I read one of the doctor’s email reply saying his old hospital at home was still struggling with the pandemic and they could use another help from him, then again, whether I like it or not, it’s the only right thing and reason.

” Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for,” said Mark Manson. A page of Brene Brown Dare to Lead has a word to describe it.

“Integrity is chooing courage over comfort. It’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy and it’s about practising your value not just professing them”.

But maybe, the most important thing, above everything, it’s about putting the utmost trust to the one who decides all affairs. Allah has been taking great care of us everywhere. He will do the same, no matter what situation we have to deal with anywhere in this world.

Taking this option is about doing the right thing so we wont look back with regrets. In whatever price we have to pay in the future.

Bismillah. bismillah. bismillah.