wherever I open the window, beautiful skies greet me regularly.
Author: arlanadya
Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee
Whinnings and The Cure
- On reading many samples book on google play,
“So many interesting books, so limited budget”.
- After reading and watching some videos about the best education around the world,
“Is it really possible to catch up with these kids with our current old style/conventional school/method? If yes, when?”
- On dealing with this lockdown (by schedules, by closure, by anxiety, worry, and whatever),
“Were that London days real? Why these three months feel like forever?Why being grateful feels so hard these days?”
- Being with the little girl 24/7 without break, being her teacher in every subject, it starts getting more suffocating. But, witnessing how her language seems regressing, it made me whine louder.
“I want break. Proper break. I am so tired.
Also me,
“Where else should I search for therapists? What do I miss?”
Whinning changes nothing.
But, there are times that I don’t want to hear any flowery words and just embrace the hard days as they are. To complain. To not compare what I have with what others dont. To feel as low as it can be. To drop everything and just doing nothing.
(Maybe) I’ll pick up myself better tomorrow.
Or next week. So I thought.
It turns out there is something bigger than my whinnings and it makes the hard days feel slightly better.
The daily habits.
No matter how hard it is, I no longer could stop myself of waking up at 4.30 and ready for breakfast.
No matter how shitty it feels, I couldn’t stop myself to do the least morning routines : reading and piano lesson with the little girl.
No matter how low it seems, I couldn’t stop myself from doing afternoon exercise with Heather. Even it’s only for 20 minutes.
No matter how messy I look, I couldn’t stop myself from tidying up the house, cleaning the sink from dishes, and start preparing meals for next days.
Last but not least, pressing the publish button in this app.
The good habits build during good days saved myself during the bad ones.
For countless times.
(Home)School in the Time of Corona
Recently, I read a journal about understanding generation alpha. It provides some interesting takes about these 2010-2025 born children who will be the largest generation of the history in the world.
Generation Alpha is defined by technological devices like smartphones and tablets, and smart speakers that speak back to you.
Like the little girl who always calls Alexa for doing the job that human usually does,
“Alexa, turn on tv!
“Alexa, what time is it?”
“Alexa, what’s the weather like today?”
Until few years ago, it’s totally unthinkable to do learnings in such ways we do right now. More, for small children like this alpha bunch. But, when change is unavoidable, the only way to survive is to adapt.
Three months without registered in any formal schools, as a parent and teacher, I am amused, amazed, and confused by these drastic changes that happened in learning.
Amused by how easy to learn about anything we want on our finger tips. How fluent this kid on navigating all these technologies. Something that is totally unavailable when I was at her age. There’s so much truth in the hadith which said that we should educate our children according to their time, not ours.
Amazed with the whole new ways of learning that we have to adapt, like doing online lessons, teaching and learning subjects without headache thanks to those brilliant apps.
There is one app called Numbots for learning basic Math. We got this from her previous school in London during last year lockdown. We were lucky that this one is still available for us to use. She is the only one in her class who is still religiously playing with this app.
Other than amused and amazed, I am also confused by the huge, wide, range of choices available and sometimes it feels overwhelming to decide what’s and what’s not important.
“Do the kids at her age really need to know about this?” me to my self everytime I am doing some research about her lesson.
For me, current schooling and learning become so easy, yet tricky and scary.
_______________________________
The highlight of doing this homeschooling on our own is the freedom to decide whatever we want to learn.
Being strict with the basic seven days a week for Math, Reading-Writing, Piano and Quran. But, totally relax about the rest.
This week is about fulfilling the promise made to write to a friend. Albeit the current tech we have, we’re going back to the basic this time.
A hand writing letter, with paper and envelope. Instead of clicking the send button on the screen, to post office we went. Glued the stamps on the envelope and let the other things beyond our control decide whether it will reach the receiver or not.
Sometimes I wonder whether these kids miss a lot or not at all about not being able to experience the way people before them do things in the past.
In some ways, homeschooling fits us so well. The flexibility, the slow pace, the excitement of learning. No unnecessary pressure of doing something for the sake of score/test. It’s liberating. The response whenever I said,
“Shall we have a break today from study time?”
(I love break so much!)
would be
“No! we have to study!”
There’s nothing more I want and hope that her future school will keep such flame alive.
Last year take on the same title.
Life in the Time of Corona : One Year Update
Life really happens for everyone in the span of this one year alone. A year full of painful grief in one side yet somehow, certain things enjoy massive growth in the other side.
Vaccine developed within a year only and some countries are really agressive on delivering the jab to their most vulnerable people, like The UK. Some other countries who handle this pandemic with brain and heart lost the least lives possible and now slowly enjoy the life close to BC time, like our neighbour in Australia and New Zealand.
Life in the time of Corona in Jakarta is not much different in terms of spending most of the time at home. The time we went back to Jakarta, The UK entered the second national lockdown as the new variant spread and school closure was unavoidable, until now.
The doctor has returned to inhumane shift schedule life and left us with only one to none free weekend in a month. Thankfully, he has secured full vaccine jab. The surface anxiety might be slightly reduced from the first month, but the heart is still asking desperately each day for the utmost protection.
Without formal school, other than having this menu at home, the little girl has an one-on-one online class for her piano lesson and another offline one for gymnastic. So far, online class is quite a headache. But, we still decide to keep it so she experiences another teacher other than her mother. Meanwhile, the private gymnastic offline class has been great. It’s been few months and she has been showing good progress.
We enrolled her to this gymnastic class for one specific purpose. To replace the occupational therapy she needs for her DLD/DCD with the closest thing we could have in this current situation. Yesterday, the coach talked to me that she was really happy with her progress and sent me pictures of her holding the hand stand by herself. Said that her hands were getting stronger also the balance was also getting better. The happiest part was when reading a text saying the coach loved teaching this little girl because she was always doing her best effort and kept trying until she made it.
That’s truly my little girl.
Never underestimate what a simple kind sentence can do. It is more than enough to made someone’s day and put her into a good night sleep.
While yours truly, other than juggling with house chores and other things, she enjoys returning to the language class that she has been craving for years. I am torn between amused, amazed, and confused how different it really is from the last time I had it 10-12 years ago. From the classmates to the way of teaching.
I was with those 20s something working friends when I was doing it in 2008-2010. Meanwhile now, I am the oldest among everyone (even the teacher!). My classmates are those early 20s something girls or even as young as 19 yo one.
I might be better in the language skill because I have learned for many years, but I am surely close to zero in technology part. It gives me a headache sometimes and I would be totally clueless without the help from this younger friends when it comes to learning language using so many kind of new apps and games. But then, it feels so refreshing to return in the classroom and learning again. I am happily grateful for this chance.
There are times when I feel deeply worried about the time lost for the little girl to play freely outside, meeting with friends of her age, and the uncerainty about return to the school because online learning with so many other students is very likely will work for her. Found this article which showed what the true loss for the children during this pandemic.
If we move the chair to the other side, we can view this time as a huge opportunity for her. An opportunity for us to prepare her better before she should handle the pressure to deal with the social life at school with her friends and teachers here, which, as we have experienced, is totally different with the ones we had in London.
I dont really worry about her cognitive. From the time we were in London to the daily study we do at home, she can keep up with adequate support. But, for social skill, it’s not only about her and her efforts. She needs the help from others like she had in Alfred Salter. She needs as much kindness and space for her to make meaningful friendship with others.
As I wrote this before, that has been my number one pray in every places we go. For us to meet the kind ones.
That would be more than enough.
After one year, I still keep my harsh tones for the way this brainless and heartless government handles this pandemic, yet the only thing to stay sane by keep going daily with the thought that we would never walk alone.
Hopefully, we would see much better situation in the near future. I can’t hope things to return to the old normal since there are certain things that I wish to keep them as we do in this life in the time of Corona.
What I need desperately to return is the free and secure feeling of living.
The Nordics Life, The Reality, and The Wishful Thinking
I once wrote that having proper time to read and supported by a short and walking distance library with good collections was one of the highlights living in London.
Visited the library few times a week becomes a routine (or semi addiction). The more books I read, the more I crave for more . One book leads to another like snowball effect. My favorite sections are around 158, 650-658, and several of 302. Those are codes for Health and Psychology, Bussiness and Money, and Social Science. I don’t understand why and how, I have stopped reading fiction since few years ago.
Among many books I have read, a soft spot always left for anything related to Nordic. Their lifestyle, philosophy, daily life, education, even only by reading, I have felt certain peaceful feeling that is quite hard to understand. I have been reading all three books from Meik Wiking, a Danish writer and happiness researcher. This year he also opened Happiness Museum which instantly becomes my next travel wishlist . I also had finished Katja Pantzar’s Finding Sisu about Finnish life style and also a book about Lagoom, a Swedish life style. All those books were inexplicably soothing.
Do you know the difference between Nordic and Scandinavian?
Scandinavian consist of three countries Norway, Sweden, Denmark and they are part of Nordic.
While Finland and Iceland are Nordic countries which don’t belong to Scandinavian.
So, Scandinavians are part of Nordic, but some Nordics aren’t Scandinavian.
The world happiest countries list 2020 had been released and two out of five members are on the top five, four out of five on the top ten, and five out of five are on the top fifteen. Here is the full article.
I remembered one of the lines that Meik Wiking wrote in his book, “I wrote here as a happy citizen and a happiness researcher”. It’s such a simple statement yet so meaningful. To claim yourself a happy citizen, you must be taken care very well by your country. Look at this lines :
Other than soothing, half part inside my heart is also aching. It’s aching because it’s almost impossible having those things in the home country. There’s almost impossible to say the same thing about my own country. More, after watching all the things that that stupid, useless, and ignorant government have done in dealing with this pandemic.
Okay, calm down. This writing won’t rant about that.
Just like French, Dutch, German, these Nordic Countries are also have their own life styles. Everything is integrated in every part of life since the very beginning of a child’s life and the whole country practise those together. In the end, those become nation characters. Every single life aspect is carefully decided and developed through research, and regularly updated, but the main idea stays strong. The foundation is firm and secured.
After Katya Pantjar’s Finding Sisu and Meik Wiking’s trilogy, I keep going with more readings about the Nordics. I had been reading Helen Russell A Year Living Danishly and The Nordics Theory of Love from Anu Partanen pararelly and it led me to more readings and documentaries watching. Four episodes of Dan Rather’s Global Education Report potrayed how the school in Finland, as one of the countries with highest PISA scores, ran daily. The more I watched it leads to deeper heart-wrenching.
Free basic education to higher one, comprehensive pregnancy care to overall health care, the support of inclusive education, employment to jobless support, how, I mean, really how, they can think about those things in details and provide secure living for their citizen from birth to death, in whatever condition you have to go through.
There’s almost none that they have missed.
From the day you were born, you will receive a box full of your daily necessity of your first months of life. The box also served as the baby crib.
Once you enter toddlerhood, high quality day care is waiting for you.
You will enter primary education around age seven. It doesn’t matter whether you can read, count or write or not. It doesn’t matter whether you are that bright kid with high IQ or one with any kind of learning disabilities or any kind of physical disabilities, you are eligible to secure a seat in your primary school on your neighbourhood. No entrance test, not a single penny needed for this.
Basic education will go for nine years and no worries about dealing with standardized test. You will only have one at the end of your nine years basic education. Before that, everyone will be evaluated according to their own progress and support will be available throughout your education journey.
You will be guided and supported by those high quality teachers, who have at the very least Master degree level, and have been through 5-6 years period of massive teacher trainings.
As a school kid, you will enjoy huge amount of recess time, outdoor playground, complete school facilities to entertain your interest like music, sport, reading, games, and many more.
Finland has the shortest learning time yet the highest PISA scores.
Once you have finished your basic education, you can continue to either vocational school or university and there is no pressure on that. One choice doesn’t make you better than another, because in real life, we need each other.
You can move out from your parents house and be independent while pursuing the higher education because the country will provide you with some pocket money for the living. Not a single penny for the tuition fee.
You will have to pay high amount of taxes once you’re with a job. But, if you haven’t found the one that suits you best, you can take your time and still receive some support, not from your parents, but from the country, while searching for the jobs.
When you decide to have a kid, you will enjoy generous parental leave while still keep receiving 80% to full amount of salary.
You dont have to have the slightest amoubt of worry when you’re sick. The health care system will take care of you.
You will live in a society who trust each other. In the level you can leave your baby in her pram unattended outside while you enjoy hot coffee and warm pastry inside the cafe during winter.
You will be part of the citizen who pays such high taxes yet won’t file a single complain. Instead, you’ll be one of the people who answered “I am eight, nine, or even ten out of ten” when Helen Russell in her book asked the Danes about how happy they were in the scale of ten.
Being a Nordic means half of your life problems has been taken care of by your country.
Fifteen months in London, I experienced a glimpse of this Nordics beautiful life. As we come as a taxpayer, the salary is deducted by 40% every month. In return, we enjoy free education for the little girl, free lunch, free health care check up from the eyes, dental care, compulsory vaccines, and the huge support we needed for her learning disabilities at school, health care check up for me like pap smear and HPV vaccine, all for free.
We enjoyed fresh air, beautiful view every day, clean and beautiful huge city parks everywhere, proper playgrounds around the neighbourhood and integrated public transportation.
The doctor enjoyed humanely shift schedule, proper break within tough working days, generous annual leaves, even being chased to take more leaves, and not being disturbed outside the working hours.
It was short, yet during those times, we knew that there were places where we could have a better quality of life in every aspect possible.
____________________________________
It’s been three months since we return from those ideal situations and back dealing with a total opposite ones. I have been whining too often. And pretty loud.
How can’t I when the doctor’s working schedule takes all four weekends and national holiday, with no weekdays off, long daily working hours in the hospital, weekend online meetings. There are too much to not to be annoyed. It felt like being lockdowned by the schedules.
The pandemic made it even worse. Other than lockdowned by inhumane shift schedule, during these months, no single parks and playground are available for the little girl to play since they are all closed. Going out always costs quite amount of money.
Before London, such life seemed just ok. Far from ideal, but we didn’t know another way to live. Thinking these are the things that we just have to go through in life.
But, after London, the view has changed drastically.
It changes the way we see, the way we do things and what we choose for the future. From choosing a place to live to the school that the little girl will go.
The struggle is harder because there are this gap between the situation we want and the reality we face. Then, maybe that’s the reason why we had to return. To working on the gap.
To find some ways to go to our wanted ideal situation. Although it would be uncertain how long it will take, or even whether we will really have a chance to really be there. But, who knows we might get there. If it’s not for us the adults, maybe for the little girl.
The Nordics life seems too out of reach in this country. But, trying hard won’t hurt. When the Nordic people have half of their life problems taken care by their system, for us, we can be just happy first with solving half of our problems by at least, knowing what we want.
It would be nice if we wouldn’t be working alone along the way.
If only.
Super Sunday
What kind of things that could define such title?
Watching a Bollywood movie about the struggle of a child with dyslexia. Almost every scene is so relatable in many ways. It described a lot the saying that not all disabilities are visible. It also reminded me so much about the struggle and the long way to find the answer for the little girl.
How I wish we had more teacher like Ran Nikumbh. Someone who believes. Someone who is willing to step in and understand there’s so much more to see behind a child’s behavior. Someone who believes that every child is special. The scenes below is one of my favorites from the movie.
After long writing about Dangal few years ago, Taare Zameen Par is another must watch piece from Amir Khan. In Amir Khan, we trust.
The next thing was having a hearty dinner served by the chef’s cooking. A set of japanese comfort food. Been having non-rice dishes for few days. Today’s supper felt like having a grand breakfasting.
And last but not least, the sky served me some dessert with its soft beautiful sunset colors.
For others, these might be just an ordinary Sunday. But, for me, these are things that fit my definition of super Sunday. Things that filled the whole part of yourself inside out with warmth and gratitude.
Constant Craving
Walking and going around by public transportation have been one of my constant cravings but doing it here takes a bit effort. Time, distance, destination, accessablity, they should be taken into consideration. Risk is another point in current situation.
It should meet the requirements of this lazy person go-out-rules such as : the place and route taken are within manageable distance by public transport (no car) for a 7 yo and all done within 2 hours back and forth. The destination should be within certain budget spent there. Quiet and secluded are two other things for now.
Only three places that could move the heart : book store/library, parks, or ice cream shop.
The first one, we almost have none, or closed.
The second, we have few, but all is also closed.
The only choice left is the third one.
Who eats ice cream in the morning? We do.
Sudden finding of a gelato place which served in early morning, you can call it a hidden gem. Even better when the place is nice, quiet, semi outdoor, even better they have good gelato with many choices of flavours.
The sudden trip cost reduced morning piano practice time, left the dishes unwashed and quite long walking to and from the train station. Got lost a bit here and there because of my lack ability in map reading was unavoidable, yet, managed to find this secluded place without ended up calling bajaj for help.
Glad the buddy trip is no-complainer although she must be tired. She nailed the long walking in nice weather, quiet empty street and one and half cups of gelato as a reward.
Walking is always therapeutic. I love the empty street and empty angkot and train, the silence, the sound of bird chirping, the cloudy weather, talking while walking with the little girl.
It could’ve been better if it is easier and costs less so we can do it more often.
I am not complaining though. Not when I have the craving satisfied.
Di Toko Kue
Beberapa hari lalu ada kejadian yang cuma terjadi beberapa menit tapi efek yang ditimbulkan ke saya pribadi jauh lebih lama dari kejadian itu sendiri.
Kami sedang beli kue di toko kue jajanan pasar favorit. Waktu lagi bayar di kasir, saya sibuk cari sesuatu di dalem dompet atau tas, tiba-tiba ada suara dari samping. Ketika saya menoleh, gadis kecil ini sedang memegang plastik kue yang bukan punya kami. Di sebelahnya ada ibu separuh baya.
Berbekal sepotong kejadian yang terlihat di mata saya, reaksi pertama saya adalah menegur,
“Be, itu bukan punya kita”.
Tapi, tiba-tiba ibu di sebelahnya menyahut,
“Oh ngga, ini dia bantuin saya tadi plastiknya hampir jatuh”.
Mbak yang dikasir menimpali,
“Adeknya baik sekali, langsung nolongin ya,”.
Saya ibunya serasa ditampar keras dan mau nangis.
Nangis karena malunya luar biasa.
Saya ibunya, lebih dari orang lain, milih buat ‘menegur’ dengan nada yang kurang enak dibanding menanyakan dulu alasan dia pegang plastik punya orang lain.
Kepala penuh dengan berbagai skenario ‘if only’ dan ‘I should have’.
Sampai beberapa lama, baik si ibu dan mbaknya masih terus mengapresiasi hal kecil yang dilakukan gadis kecil ini dengan terus mengulang kata ‘baik dan pinter’.
Saya ibunya, ngga mau kecolongan lagi. Turun dan lihat ke matanya sambil bilang,
“You have really done a good job and I am so proud of you. Thank you for being so kind by helping the lady,”.
Selain mau nangis karena malu, mau nangis karena bangga juga.
Siapa bilang ibu selalu tau segalanya?
Ibu dan orangtua juga manusia yang ngga selalu tau dan selalu perlu belajar hal baru, bahkan tentang anaknya sendiri. Bahkan ketika hampir seluruh waktu dihabiskan dengan mereka. Belajar yang bukan dari buku yang ditulis peneliti dan ahli parenting ternama, tapi juga dari orang asing yang bahkan kita ngga tau namanya.
Tapi, semakin lama, saya semakin sadar kalau anak itu gurunya orangtua. Kita yang perlu lebih banyak dengar, lebih peka, lebih berpikiran terbuka, karena kadang ego orang dewasa suka bikin ‘buta’.
Makasih, bu guru kecil.
Maafin muridnya emang suka pendek sumbunya.
Tangled Thought
Many times, a lot of conversations happen inside the head and the urge to write is so strong yet the time doesn’t allow it.
Often, I feel like writing whatever things inside although it won’t make a nice reading to other people. Lots of (unpopular) opinions that need to be blurted out, just because.
Sometimes, I just want to keep writing the same thing all over again with different situations. Complaining over the smallest detail. How boring current daily life could be. How hard to fight the urge to do nothing everyday but end up to do many then whining how tired I am in the night.
Doing constant self validation during hard times, questioning reality versus expectation, worrying whether we are or I am on the right track, whether this little girl misses a lot without a formal school, and so on.
There are times when I feel there’s a very thin line between feeling quilty and feeling sufficient. The guilt of thinking that we dont maximize and utilize the resources in our power since the outcome might be not really obvious or acknowledge the efforts done daily, look back how we have progressed so far since the starting line.
Torn between comparing current situation to the past or to the others and constantly reminding my self that doing such thing is not really the right to do. Either the past or the person, it’s totally uncomparable. The situation might be similar, but we deal with different human being.
Another scary thing that we couldn’t help repeating the bad cycle of our own inner child and to break it is such a hard work. Playing blame game will just make it harder.
Adulting is difficult. Sometimes or most of the times. I realize that other than the ability to keep learning, the other important thing we often forget is the ability to unlearn. The courage to break the old pattern and start again from the scratch. In whatever point you have arrived in life.
Although I still have a lot, but that’s for now I think.
Eye Mask dan Stroller : Cerita Anak dan Uang
Mendekati tahun ke tujuh, saya mulai melihat sudah waktunya mulai mengenalkan uang ke gadis kecil ini. Beberapa tanda seperti pemahaman matematika dasar yang sudah cukup memadai, emosi yang sudah cukup matang, yang terlihat dari bagaimana dia bisa menahan diri ketika menginginkan sesuatu.
Dia sudah melewati banyak situasi marshmellow test dan lulus dengan baik. Hal lain yang juga sudah jelas terlihat adalah dia mulai banyak keinginan untuk punya sesuatu yang dia tidak terlalu butuh.
Sebelumnya saya pernah tulis hal yang berkaitan tentang uang di THR dan Anak. Sejak pertama kali terima uang THR, saya langsung pisahkan uangnya di salah satu tabungan saya yang jarang dipakai. Ketika saya rasa uangnya semakin banyak dan semakin membingungkan karena potensi tercampur dengan uang saya semakin besar, saya memutuskan untuk membukakan rekening sendiri untuk dia. Bank langganan saya punya produk untuk anak yang mudah sekali. Jadi, beberapa bulan sebelum kami berangkat ke London, uang anak sudah punya rumah baru lengkap dengan buku tabungan dan ATM dengan namanya.
Pengalaman menggunakan uangnya sendiri pertama kali terjadi dua minggu lalu. Entah belajar dari mana, tapi anak ini suka tidur pakai eye mask. Karena belum punya, dia gunakan masker scuba kartunnya di mata. Ketika satu hari saya dan dia ke toko peralatan rumah, ketika antri di kasir dia lihat ada eye mask untuk anak-anak dan dia tanya apa boleh kalo dia mau eye masknya.
Saya ngga mikir dua kali untuk mengizinkan dia ambil karena tau ini adalah sesuatu yang dia pakai setiap malam. Ketika saya liat harganya juga wajar, saya bilang,
“Boleh ambil. Bayar pakai uang sendiri ya. Ada ATMnya sama mama,”.
Liat ekspresi bangganya pas teken PIN ATM sendiri di mesin EDC seneng banget.
Setelah ujian 20 surat pendek yang lalu, ayahnya janji untuk beliin sesuatu kalo hafalannya bagus. Jadi sehari setelahnya berangkatlah mereka berdua ke toko mainan tanpa pengawasan dan salahnya saya ngga bilang jelas berapa batas harganya. Saya juga berpikir kalo ayahnya ngerti lah ya berapa batas wajarnya.
Ketika mereka pulang bawa hadiah dengan wajah sumringah, saya tanya berapa. Mata membelalak lebar denger harga yang disebutkan ayahnya dengan nada kasual.
Kami sebagai orangtua, secara pribadi punya cara pandang yang beda tentang uang dan saya jelas sekali melihat ini banyak dipengaruhi oleh pola uang yang diajarkan sejak kecil.
Saya terbiasa mengatur uang sendiri dari kecil. Pola uang saku saya adalah bulanan. Cukup ngga cukup harus dipikir supaya cukup. Ini berlaku dari SD kelas 4. Saya sudah nnenghasilkan uang sendiri setelah lulus SMA. Sedangkan ayahnya berlaku uang harian/mingguan. Kalo habis nanti tinggal minta lagi.
Alhamdulillah di frame besarnya kita cukup sepakat masalah uang ini. Tapi, ketika ke anak, perasaan jelas beda. Apalagi jelas uangnya ada. Apalagi anaknya sudah berusaha keras untuk itu. Saya sih sepakat aja, cuma rasanya kurang pas kalo anak yang sudah mulai bisa berpikir ngga diajarkan bahwa uang bukan sesuatu yang selalu ada. Uang bukan seperti kasih sayang ibu.
Ayahnya lebih dari cukup untuk membelikan mainan dengan harga yang lebih mahal, tapi seperti salah satu prinsip yang saya pegang dalam banyak hal termasuk mendidik anak, “Not because you can, it means you should“, begitu juga masalah yang berkaitan dengan uang ini.
Anak jelas belum bisa dan belum waktunya merasakan susah dan lelahnya cari uang. Tapi, bisa dimulai dari menghargai apa yang sudah dipunya dengan cara menjaga sebaik-baiknya. Tapi, itupun harus diajarkan. Gimana mau jaga kalo ngga tau dapetinnya susah? Orang taunya ada aja barangnya. Kalo rusak nanti juga bisa beli lagi.
Mau dijelaskan mahal atau murah pun abstrak buat mereka dan sama sekali ngga bisa diukur. Mahal itu seberapa? Murah itu kaya apa? Di hadapan anak ini boneka yang dibeli di Pasar Gembrong sama yang di Kidz Station ya sama aja kecuali harganya yang beberapa kali lipat.
Seperti hukum alamnya manusia dengan barang, excitementnya pun berkurang dengan waktu. Di hari ke berapa, hubungan dengan mainan barunya mulai merenggang. Dari di bawa kemana-mana selalu bersama, pelan-pelan mulai tergeletak dimana aja. Mulai sering harus ditanya bonekanya ngga diajak. Lalu beberapa hari setelahnya tiba-tiba anak ini mendekat dan tanya apa boleh dia beli stroller untuk bonekanya.
Tidak sampai seminggu kepuasan terhadap mainan barunya sudah menurun dan muncul keinginan baru. Di sini saya liat dia sudah mulai bisa diajarkan tentang prinsip kebutuhan dan keinginan.
Waktu dia mau beli eye mask, saya ngga ragu langsung bilang iya karena saya tau dia memang butuh, dipakai setiap malam dan dengan harga yang sangat wajar sesuai isi dompetnya.Tapi ketika dia bilang mau beli stroller, ini jelas masalah keinginan dan sama sekali bukan sesuatu yang mendesak.
Akhirnya saya ajak dia lihat harga stroller mainan di toko online dan dari sana saya bilang bisa beli tapi ‘kerja’ dulu. Sebelumnya saya juga bilang kalo dia bisa aja langsung beli untuk harga segitu dengan uang yang ada di dompetnya, tapi kalo terus pakai uang tanpa ada pemasukan, satu saat uangnya akan habis. Maka saya tawarkan untuk dia melakukan sesuatu di luar tanggung jawabnya dan bisa dapat uang untuk beli strollernya.
Sejak beberapa waktu, anak ini sudah punya tugas di rumah sendiri seperti halnya saya dan ayahnya. Beberapa hal yang berkaitan dengan dirinya sendiri dan sedikit yang tentang kebersihan rumah. Karena kami memang ngga punya ART sejak awal, jadi semua orang punya tugas masing-masing di rumah.
Tugas anggota terkecil meliputi membereskan tempat tidur dan kamarnya sendiri, menjemur pakaiannya sendiri ketika jadwal mencuci baju yang lebih banyak adalah bajunya. Kami mencuci baju seminggu 2x, dipisahkan warna. Umumnya warna bajunya adalah yang cerah dan batchnya lebih sedikit, jadi memang ini jadi tanggung jawabnya. Selain itu dia juga mencuci piring bekas makannya sendiri. Nah, untuk uang tambahan ini, saya menawarkan dia untuk mengambil alih sedikit dari tanggung jawab saya dan mendapat uang dari sana. Tugasnya sama cu sedikit lebih banyak.
Dia akan membantu saya mengangkat dan melipat jemuran ketika batch baju ayahnya yang lebih banyak dan berat lalu membantu saya mencuci lebih banyak piring selain piringnya sendiri. Satu sesi dihargai Rp 10.000.Setiap selesai satu sesi, dia akan menagih uangnya dan saya berikan uang fisiknya.
Saking semangatnya, semua sesi yang dibutuhkan buat beli stroller selesai dalam waktu dua hari. Strollernya pun ngga mahal. Sesuai kemampuan anak 7 tahun aja.
Target awal semua pekerjaan selesai dalam waktu 3 hari. Selesai terkumpul, dia kasih uang sebesar harga strollernya dan saya pesankan di marketplace.
Senang sekali liat dia semangat kerja karena punya sesuatu yang dituju. Pada dasarnya anak ini (dan semua anak-anak fitrahnya) suka juga bantu, lebih sering dia menawarkan diri dibanding saya nyuruh. Saya sebagai orangtua yang seringnya lebih pilih cepet beres dan ngga ribet, tentu lebih seneng ngerjain semua sendiri. Membiarkan anak yang ngerjain tentu lebih lama, lebih sering kerja dua kali, tapi di sini intinya mendidik bukan?
Bukan tentang apa yang orangtua mau, tapi tentang apa yang anaknya perlu. Jadi, kecuali ada alasan yang sangat krusial sekali, saya sebisa mungkin tidak akan menolak bantuan yang dia tawarkan dan selalu bilang terima kasih karena sudah membantu.
Saya sangat kagum sekali melihat langsung gimana anak-anak belajar. Mereka benar-benar menirukan apa yang mereka lihat dan dengar. Bukan apa yang orangtua suruh. Jadi sebenarnya memang ngga perlu sampai berbusa ngomel, cukup tunjukan perilaku kaya apa yang kita mau mereka punya. Children see children do.
Ketika saya menawarkan untuk membantu dia menjemur pakaian yang memang tugasnya, dia menjawab dengan jawaban yang hampir selalu saya kasih, persis tanpa ada yang kurang sedikit pun,
“Thank you for offering the help, but I can do it by myself for now,”.
Lucu dan sok tau.
Kenapa bukan dikasih uang saku?Menurut saya, belum waktunya. Apalagi dengan masa pandemi ini, kebanyakan di rumah, uang saku sepertinya masih bisa di waktu mendatang.
Hepi dengan mainan barunya?Jelas.
Tinggal berapa lama aja hepinya berlangsung yang kita ngga tau.
Tapi yang penting, saya dan dia sama-sama belajar sesuatu yang baru.
A Penny for My Pensieve 