Life these days feel like having multiple tabs opened in your brain.
It’s constant clicking one tab after another, returning back and forth among tabs and there are moments when I feel like my brain could explode because it couldn’t handle the intense and continuous work it has been doing.
It’s constant thinking every waking moment. Not for only one, two or several things, but, countless.
It’s continous labouring, cleaning, throwing, organizing, tidying, every single day. Not only in one place, but several.
Schedule packed with moving things here and there. Went back and forth between home to few places for at least three times a day. In the most hectic one, it was five times.
Currently writing while waiting for some technicians to move the last huge piece from the house.
Looking back what we’ve been through a week ago, especially last Sunday, it felt surreal to be able to safely pass that week sanely.
Things have been going in between bumpy and smoothly for the the ninth year.
We’re still in the early pre-teen phase but for those who has been dealing with non typical child development problems since early years, we start noticing some issues that need to be addressed more seriously with the help of expert. Unless it’s something which the consequences is irreversible (like getting married or having kids), early is always better. Things that we work on are still around her difficulties.
One of the best presents we received this year : we finally meet a local child psychologist who understands us, the parents. A psychologist who is in the same frequency, who understands what we know and read, who validates our thoughts and feeling. We finally meet one who is willing to find out what she doesn’t understand in order to help the little girl, and make a decision and tailored therapy based on that.
We rarely meet this kind of psychologist here. Someone with different insights and experiences than the typical one. More, one that builds good rapport with the kid. We’ve been having more than five sessions in few months and so far, I am quite pleased with everything.
Even better, it is located just 10 mins drive from home.
I observe a pattern, apart from any kind of diagnosis she has, she is blessed with one important thing : she happens to always meet the right people at the right time to help her with whatever she needs. A true Godsend. Hopefully, it will stay that way. Amiinn.
We still have a lot of homeworks to be done. I hope we could finish them all ‘on time’.
……..
As an only child, school is the village to cover what we couldn’t provide at home : meeting other kids regularly. For someone who rarely survive and not really into playdates, school is the only option. That’s the main reason why I send to school.
School delivery and pick up has been one of the most interesting parts during the last few years.
School during autumn term was one of the best core memories in motherhood. Every single morning during autumn never failed to make me want to capture everything that I saw. Be it the view to the school or the little girl herself.
When walked through the little forest, she made so many stops to see things, be it mushroom, plants, worms, just anything. I really loved all the morning walk sessions to the school during the -ber months in spite of the cold weather.
One of the best periods in life
Unlike one in London, school trip here is far from scenic. But, the car conversation has always been more interesting and intriguing that they givesome aches in my heart and brain sometimes.
“Do you know?” That is her signature silence breaking once the car engine was starting and she started talking and facts throwing about everything. Or, “I have a question”. Usually, I take a deep breath first after this because it was mostly a-how and why question that requires more thinking before answering.
For someone who always prefers driving in silence, I keep telling myself to enjoy this as much as I can. This might be tiring to deal with sometimes, but, I am gonna miss this so much later. It will pass like so many things that I thought would last forever have passed. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
Every time she closes the car/taxi door in the morning, then said our usual “have fun and have a nice day”, couldn’t help spelling my specific prayer, every single day while unconsciously taking a deep breath.
Time indeed slips through my finger Moments where I remember She’s only five year old little girl In a blink of an eye she turns into a niner
May Allah protects her through all the way. Guard her in every of her actions and decisions. Keep her safe wherever she is. Strengthen her faith and keep her in a straight path. Amin. Amin. Amin.
On today’s Developmental Language Disorder day, instead of talking about the old story about how DLD diagnosis changed everything,, I want to talk about this one.
Love these two so much!
This Young Sheldon show is one with many great parenting insights.
One thing that makes it so relatable is because I am raising one whose first diagnosis was DLD which just happened to be as a door opener for many things to come.
I couldn’t helping laughing all through season 1 since they described well how it looked living with my own daughter, while I have been weeping a lot all through season 2 with so many punches given on the heart in every eps.
My daughter is nothing compared to Sheldon in term of brain intelligence, but, I could feel the parent’s frustration of how to deal with this kind of kid when you know nothing about them, when it doesn’t fit the parenting knowledge that you know, when you have to beat your ego in so many situations because it won’t work with this kind of kid. They know much more than you in many things. Their brain doesn’t work like ordinary people do.
But, on the other hand, they also know so little about how human works in general. Understanding human is difficult. Kids like them are having hard time to understand the grey area,for them it’s always black and white.
They might look like any other kids outside, but, it takes a lot of deep breath to deal with them in daily basis, just like what Mary and George experienced.
We’re keeping therapy sessions up until now, even double it, (if not plan to triple it),not to make her as normal as possible, but to help us teach her many things that we couldn’t.
Another thing that is so relatable about this show is both are beyond privilege. L&S are having a family which accepts them just the way they are and get all the support needed to be themselves. Have encountered many kids whose parents give up on them once they received the diagnosis. As much I understand how hard it is to accept the reality, but, giving up on our kid should’ve never been an option.
With or without diagnosis, every kid comes with their own intelligence. Like Missy, my most favorite character, whose intelligence I wish my daughter to possess and keep training her for that.
No long words could do the justice to describe what it took to finally secured a proper recording to be submitted for the exam.
From eyeing distinction as a target to finally settle, “let’s just aim for pass” then.
Started practicing the very first song on August 2022. Fast forward a year later, no single recording was decent enough to be submitted.
The list of recordings captured were only small part of hundreds that we did since last April.
Finally got the one we had been waiting for the past five months(!!). Alhamdulillah.
We haven’t even submitted the video, but this is the closure for all the efforts done in grade 3 ABRSM.
When I think we deserve certain result for our hardwork, the reality snapped back harshly by showing countless messy and bad recordings we got along the way. The harder we tried, the more frustrating we were.
We finally got it when we finally on the ‘Que Sera Sera’ mode.
For someone who has so little patience, this is my daily training.
Not just about piano practice/anything, but to take whatever it takes during the process of doing everything in life and be patient to accept any results which is outside my control.
Still far from mastering it, my face showed it all when things don’t go according to what I expect.
The result we received today.
Distinction for Grade 3 ABRSM.
It took a lot of Astaghfirullah to achieve this and a simple silent Alhamdulillah when we received it.
It was leisure four months to achieve a high level of distinction 147/150 for grade 1.
It was tragically twisted seven months to achieve (only) merit 124/150 for grade 2 exam.
Spent more than frustrating twelve months to return to distinction bracket of 133/150 for grade 3 exam.
Proof that life is not getting easier, Your efforts matter, but there will be time to surrender and let it go to The Decider, because the end result is never ours.
After more than a year of practice, four songs from the scratch, countless frustrated moments, more than grateful this is the result we deserve for all the sweat and tears.
On Saturday, I attended my high school reunion. Although I only stayed for a few hours, I was pretty happy I decided to come. Unlike some people who consider high school the best time of our lives, for me, it was just okay and full of pressure here and there. It is not about social anxiety but more about the academic one.
The best year was the last year of high school when I finally met a tribe with whom I could form lifelong friendships until now. One of these guys called us ‘a bunch of social misfits,’ I have been the organiser of almost every rendezvous we had for the past 20 years and the admin of our chat group. I am passionate about this misfit group, or am I just the most misfit among the misfits?😄
I have a small circle and a few close friends. I never feel comfortable being around a massive group of people. People always make me nervous. But, with these misfits, it has been 20 years of enjoyable ride. I write about them often and the latest one was here.
Back to the reunion, the most comment given that day to me was, “you don’t change at all!”, I have been thinking until I decided to write this here, is it meant to be an insult or a compliment?😂
It is almost impossible not to change at all in twenty years. Too many circumstances happen in one’s life within that long period. But of course, they didn’t know anything about what happened inside, so I guess to have some comments about how your outer appearance is unchanged after 20 years, I’ll take such a compliment gratefully.
On Sunday, we had a road trip to the doctor’s home town to visit his family.
Sixteen hours of road trip to the long lost hometown.
I came up with this idea on a Friday morning when my mother in law told the news of the passing of her sister-in-law in my late father-in-law’s hometown.
I knew she might want to visit the family there, but she obviously couldn’t go there alone, and since it was sudden, it was pretty hard for everyone to make time, including us.
But it was too disturbing to let this slide without doing anything. I calculated the rough estimation costs to go there before I proposed the idea, first to his son then his mother.
When I calculated the costs, it turned out more extensive than I expected for a day trip. But, when travelling, I always zoom out whenever the numbers speak.
Is it worth the hassle to make this happen? Which one will you regret more later? Spending such an amount of money or losing the chance that might not come twice. Who will benefit from this trip other than the main character? Usually, when the answer include the little girl, that is one huge determining factor.
For this trip, all those questions answered with clear answers.
Taking my mother-in-law to give her condolence in person matters. Taking the little girl for the first time to one of her roots matters, and it has been a while since the last time her father set foot there.
Me? I am never a fan of road trips, and so glad Mudik wasn’t part of my childhood. Trapped in the car for hours, the anxiety and insecurity watching the speedy driving throughout the trip (or the frustration of dealing with traffic), the countless drinks shown with all the tumblrs were out on duty yesterday, and many more.
It was a huge help when the road trip wasn’t loud and packed. It reduced a lot of tension.
Alhamdulillah, we got it ‘easy’ for this trip and all the good intentions were well delivered.
Visiting both her father hometown to Solo and Pekalongan checked.
The next ones should be visiting both her mother which obviously couldn’t be done with a road trip.
I wrote on the previous post about how anxious I have been dealing with longer leisure time with the new schedule since the beginning of little girl’s new academic year.
I also stated that this wasn’t the first time and the more anxious I was, the more intense the searching. In the end, it has been always something new to do.
Funnily, not long after I published the post, an offer came.
I have been volunteering with an English bootcamp since more than a year ago. My initial intention was just to be more useful and maybe I could learn a thing or two. So when I saw the opening on the internet, I signed up right away.
My role is basically facilitating a discussion on a small break out room in Zoom around 2×30 minutes with 3-4 people. The camp provides a booklet contained different kind of articles in English and two sets of questions to be discussed on the break out room.
For someone who doesn’t like talking, close to never turn on my camera during a meeting, signing up for this camp is another way to push myself to do something that I am not comfortable with. For the first few months, it had been exceed my expectations.
I have been receiving a lot of positive feedbacks as a moderator. All those kind words in Secreto filled me with joy and somehow it becomes the fuel to make me stay in spite of postponing my sleeping time a little bit. I really enjoy the class and listening to all the story of the strangers I meet here. Close to never skipping any classes.
Another reason why this is enjoyable because it only runs for 6 days a month within two weeks. So, there’s space for me to have a break and miss this class.
After few months, the founder offered me a teaching position. While being a moderator is a voluntary work, the teaching is a paid one. I accepted it for two meetings.
Teaching in front of large audience is not my strength at all, so from my personal opinion, I still have a lot to learn to make myself comfortable and confident enough to deliver an interesting session.
They offered me another one or two months later and I accepted it as long as I felt confident enough with the materials.
Right after I published the second last previous post, I received a text on my messenger from the founder asked me whether I would interested in joining their internal team.
I enjoy being a moderator there, but working for them is another story. I gave them my conditions and I asked in details what kind of job that I would do and the expectation. After several discussions, I finally agreed and decided to take offer. I have been wanting a fully remote part time work with tolerable work load, and this is the exactly what I have been looking for.
So, insya Allah, starting next Monday, a new experience begins. After four years since resigning from the last workplace and moved to another continent, this will be the first time I resume working for others. Hopefully everything will be okay and I can survive this well. Amin.
Another struggle solved and updated with a new one.
This trip looks good and perfect in pictures but quite a mess in the structure.
So far, the most twisted one among the history of family trips.
From the messy itinerary, a week journey with seven flights rally, Long delay made us sprint in Abu Dhabi, Denied check in when we’re fully ready, Paid a hefty sum of money for the tiny mistake I didn’t see, Ran back to the airplane after realizing I left a bag with passports, handphones, and money below the handrest in the seat forty, Another sprint session in Abu Dhabi, during queuing for boarding, ran between terminal one and three, to fetch another bag I left when we checked out at two thirty.
Those were crazy, honestly.
But, I also felt being saved for countless time while dealing with those difficulties. It felt surreal when the plane touched the ground back to this city yesterday afternoon at three thirty, We were wasted yet,gratefully healthy.
This writing finished yesterday at ten forty, all the luggages were already returned to its place safely, while the washing machine was singing happily. My clean laundry was ready.
Scene 2
We might have lots of miss and twists, but we got it easy when it comes to traveling with this little girl buddy. It might be hard to believe when I said we had zero tantrums since she was a baby.
They said traveling is one of the truest test of character. If it is true, then, she must have passed with flying colors. Much calmer than her mother, while dealing with so many irregulars, Where everything was so unfamiliar.
I have no control of what she would become of despite all the best efforts that had been done, but I hope, she would thrive and becomes an adult who deals with lots of uncertainties in life like she does with everything that traveling brings when she was a child.
The best traveling buddy parents could ask for
Scene 3
Marriage doesn’t have to be ideal, The most important thing it should be functional.
I believe, so does in traveling.
You might need one with the same vision, but the other important thing, you also need a company with different functions.
For every little details I am quite good at (although it becomes debatable in this trip), I get a good one who covers for the big picture that I am quite lack of and I am beyond grateful to be blessed with such traveling partner.
If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together”. African Proverb
It’s been a very long ride until we finally safely arrived in this trip main destination.
I didn’t have any expectations about this city. No idea what it would be.
I rarely fall in love with the first sight. But, Porto got me right.
Less than one hour set my feet in this city, I fell in love in an instant. This city is beyond charming.
It had been 48 hours without having a proper meal, it served us with a set of Portugese home made meal from a tiny homey local restaurant across our apartment. It was pumpkin soup and red bean rice with cod fish. I really wanted to cry while sipping the soup. It was the best meal I had in this trip.
We stopped by for the light groceries nearby then returned to the apartment. When we arrived, our room was ready.
We bought Andante card for the bus and metro at Sao Bento station. Our first visit in the afternoon was Ribiera. Sitting by Duoro river and listening to street musician. The little girl seemed too tired after countless flight and airports transfer to do anything else, so she just slept on the bench by the river.
We stayed for 4 days, the first two we went together, while the other two, the doctor attended the course which became the main reason we visited Porto, so me and the little girl explored the city on our own.
Porto is fascinating. I love almost everything about it. It might be not as neatly ordered or filled with stunning beauty like some of other citites in Europe. It is more like beautiful mess with the right measure.
Couldn’t help taking too many pictures of murals and facades. We also stayed in the street of art where there are lots of small galleries.
We basically ticked all the a must see places. Sunset in Jardim de Morro, Mercado de Bolhao, Santa Catarina, Livraria Lello, Cedofeita, Jardin de Palacio, Natural History museum in Universiti of Porto. But, the best one about the city is its charming alleys.
For someone who loves walking, being lost in Porto alleys were the highlights of my staying in this city. Just going in and out aimlessly made me happy.
I love how it felt safe to walk there. I reclaimed my solo traveling in between time spent together and it was so refreshing. There were those times when this trip worth all the hassles been through to get here.
Their bus card called Andante . In music, Andante means a tempo in walking pace. It’s funny how it fits the description of their city. Four days spent in Porto, I feel like life was running in adagio., which means a slow tempo.
Beauty. Safety. Walkability. Porto has set the bar too high for introduction to south Europe. It’s underrated yet highly recommended city to visit.
The city’s postcard viewOne of the most beautiful bookstores in the world. Paid entrance for €5, which could be used for buying a book here.One of the most beautiful Mcd in the world, said the articleSunset from Jardim de MorroSardine is a serious bussiness hereAlma in front of Capela de AlmasMercado Bolhao
A Penny for My Pensieve 