On today’s Developmental Language Disorder day, instead of talking about the old story about how DLD diagnosis changed everything,, I want to talk about this one.
Love these two so much!
This Young Sheldon show is one with many great parenting insights.
One thing that makes it so relatable is because I am raising one whose first diagnosis was DLD which just happened to be as a door opener for many things to come.
I couldn’t helping laughing all through season 1 since they described well how it looked living with my own daughter, while I have been weeping a lot all through season 2 with so many punches given on the heart in every eps.
My daughter is nothing compared to Sheldon in term of brain intelligence, but, I could feel the parent’s frustration of how to deal with this kind of kid when you know nothing about them, when it doesn’t fit the parenting knowledge that you know, when you have to beat your ego in so many situations because it won’t work with this kind of kid. They know much more than you in many things. Their brain doesn’t work like ordinary people do.
But, on the other hand, they also know so little about how human works in general. Understanding human is difficult. Kids like them are having hard time to understand the grey area,for them it’s always black and white.
They might look like any other kids outside, but, it takes a lot of deep breath to deal with them in daily basis, just like what Mary and George experienced.
We’re keeping therapy sessions up until now, even double it, (if not plan to triple it),not to make her as normal as possible, but to help us teach her many things that we couldn’t.
Another thing that is so relatable about this show is both are beyond privilege. L&S are having a family which accepts them just the way they are and get all the support needed to be themselves. Have encountered many kids whose parents give up on them once they received the diagnosis. As much I understand how hard it is to accept the reality, but, giving up on our kid should’ve never been an option.
With or without diagnosis, every kid comes with their own intelligence. Like Missy, my most favorite character, whose intelligence I wish my daughter to possess and keep training her for that.
No long words could do the justice to describe what it took to finally secured a proper recording to be submitted for the exam.
From eyeing distinction as a target to finally settle, “let’s just aim for pass” then.
Started practicing the very first song on August 2022. Fast forward a year later, no single recording was decent enough to be submitted.
The list of recordings captured were only small part of hundreds that we did since last April.
Finally got the one we had been waiting for the past five months(!!). Alhamdulillah.
We haven’t even submitted the video, but this is the closure for all the efforts done in grade 3 ABRSM.
When I think we deserve certain result for our hardwork, the reality snapped back harshly by showing countless messy and bad recordings we got along the way. The harder we tried, the more frustrating we were.
We finally got it when we finally on the ‘Que Sera Sera’ mode.
For someone who has so little patience, this is my daily training.
Not just about piano practice/anything, but to take whatever it takes during the process of doing everything in life and be patient to accept any results which is outside my control.
Still far from mastering it, my face showed it all when things don’t go according to what I expect.
The result we received today.
Distinction for Grade 3 ABRSM.
It took a lot of Astaghfirullah to achieve this and a simple silent Alhamdulillah when we received it.
It was leisure four months to achieve a high level of distinction 147/150 for grade 1.
It was tragically twisted seven months to achieve (only) merit 124/150 for grade 2 exam.
Spent more than frustrating twelve months to return to distinction bracket of 133/150 for grade 3 exam.
Proof that life is not getting easier, Your efforts matter, but there will be time to surrender and let it go to The Decider, because the end result is never ours.
After more than a year of practice, four songs from the scratch, countless frustrated moments, more than grateful this is the result we deserve for all the sweat and tears.
On Saturday, I attended my high school reunion. Although I only stayed for a few hours, I was pretty happy I decided to come. Unlike some people who consider high school the best time of our lives, for me, it was just okay and full of pressure here and there. It is not about social anxiety but more about the academic one.
The best year was the last year of high school when I finally met a tribe with whom I could form lifelong friendships until now. One of these guys called us ‘a bunch of social misfits,’ I have been the organiser of almost every rendezvous we had for the past 20 years and the admin of our chat group. I am passionate about this misfit group, or am I just the most misfit among the misfits?😄
I have a small circle and a few close friends. I never feel comfortable being around a massive group of people. People always make me nervous. But, with these misfits, it has been 20 years of enjoyable ride. I write about them often and the latest one was here.
Back to the reunion, the most comment given that day to me was, “you don’t change at all!”, I have been thinking until I decided to write this here, is it meant to be an insult or a compliment?😂
It is almost impossible not to change at all in twenty years. Too many circumstances happen in one’s life within that long period. But of course, they didn’t know anything about what happened inside, so I guess to have some comments about how your outer appearance is unchanged after 20 years, I’ll take such a compliment gratefully.
On Sunday, we had a road trip to the doctor’s home town to visit his family.
Sixteen hours of road trip to the long lost hometown.
I came up with this idea on a Friday morning when my mother in law told the news of the passing of her sister-in-law in my late father-in-law’s hometown.
I knew she might want to visit the family there, but she obviously couldn’t go there alone, and since it was sudden, it was pretty hard for everyone to make time, including us.
But it was too disturbing to let this slide without doing anything. I calculated the rough estimation costs to go there before I proposed the idea, first to his son then his mother.
When I calculated the costs, it turned out more extensive than I expected for a day trip. But, when travelling, I always zoom out whenever the numbers speak.
Is it worth the hassle to make this happen? Which one will you regret more later? Spending such an amount of money or losing the chance that might not come twice. Who will benefit from this trip other than the main character? Usually, when the answer include the little girl, that is one huge determining factor.
For this trip, all those questions answered with clear answers.
Taking my mother-in-law to give her condolence in person matters. Taking the little girl for the first time to one of her roots matters, and it has been a while since the last time her father set foot there.
Me? I am never a fan of road trips, and so glad Mudik wasn’t part of my childhood. Trapped in the car for hours, the anxiety and insecurity watching the speedy driving throughout the trip (or the frustration of dealing with traffic), the countless drinks shown with all the tumblrs were out on duty yesterday, and many more.
It was a huge help when the road trip wasn’t loud and packed. It reduced a lot of tension.
Alhamdulillah, we got it ‘easy’ for this trip and all the good intentions were well delivered.
Visiting both her father hometown to Solo and Pekalongan checked.
The next ones should be visiting both her mother which obviously couldn’t be done with a road trip.
I wrote on the previous post about how anxious I have been dealing with longer leisure time with the new schedule since the beginning of little girl’s new academic year.
I also stated that this wasn’t the first time and the more anxious I was, the more intense the searching. In the end, it has been always something new to do.
Funnily, not long after I published the post, an offer came.
I have been volunteering with an English bootcamp since more than a year ago. My initial intention was just to be more useful and maybe I could learn a thing or two. So when I saw the opening on the internet, I signed up right away.
My role is basically facilitating a discussion on a small break out room in Zoom around 2×30 minutes with 3-4 people. The camp provides a booklet contained different kind of articles in English and two sets of questions to be discussed on the break out room.
For someone who doesn’t like talking, close to never turn on my camera during a meeting, signing up for this camp is another way to push myself to do something that I am not comfortable with. For the first few months, it had been exceed my expectations.
I have been receiving a lot of positive feedbacks as a moderator. All those kind words in Secreto filled me with joy and somehow it becomes the fuel to make me stay in spite of postponing my sleeping time a little bit. I really enjoy the class and listening to all the story of the strangers I meet here. Close to never skipping any classes.
Another reason why this is enjoyable because it only runs for 6 days a month within two weeks. So, there’s space for me to have a break and miss this class.
After few months, the founder offered me a teaching position. While being a moderator is a voluntary work, the teaching is a paid one. I accepted it for two meetings.
Teaching in front of large audience is not my strength at all, so from my personal opinion, I still have a lot to learn to make myself comfortable and confident enough to deliver an interesting session.
They offered me another one or two months later and I accepted it as long as I felt confident enough with the materials.
Right after I published the second last previous post, I received a text on my messenger from the founder asked me whether I would interested in joining their internal team.
I enjoy being a moderator there, but working for them is another story. I gave them my conditions and I asked in details what kind of job that I would do and the expectation. After several discussions, I finally agreed and decided to take offer. I have been wanting a fully remote part time work with tolerable work load, and this is the exactly what I have been looking for.
So, insya Allah, starting next Monday, a new experience begins. After four years since resigning from the last workplace and moved to another continent, this will be the first time I resume working for others. Hopefully everything will be okay and I can survive this well. Amin.
Another struggle solved and updated with a new one.
This trip looks good and perfect in pictures but quite a mess in the structure.
So far, the most twisted one among the history of family trips.
From the messy itinerary, a week journey with seven flights rally, Long delay made us sprint in Abu Dhabi, Denied check in when we’re fully ready, Paid a hefty sum of money for the tiny mistake I didn’t see, Ran back to the airplane after realizing I left a bag with passports, handphones, and money below the handrest in the seat forty, Another sprint session in Abu Dhabi, during queuing for boarding, ran between terminal one and three, to fetch another bag I left when we checked out at two thirty.
Those were crazy, honestly.
But, I also felt being saved for countless time while dealing with those difficulties. It felt surreal when the plane touched the ground back to this city yesterday afternoon at three thirty, We were wasted yet,gratefully healthy.
This writing finished yesterday at ten forty, all the luggages were already returned to its place safely, while the washing machine was singing happily. My clean laundry was ready.
Scene 2
We might have lots of miss and twists, but we got it easy when it comes to traveling with this little girl buddy. It might be hard to believe when I said we had zero tantrums since she was a baby.
They said traveling is one of the truest test of character. If it is true, then, she must have passed with flying colors. Much calmer than her mother, while dealing with so many irregulars, Where everything was so unfamiliar.
I have no control of what she would become of despite all the best efforts that had been done, but I hope, she would thrive and becomes an adult who deals with lots of uncertainties in life like she does with everything that traveling brings when she was a child.
The best traveling buddy parents could ask for
Scene 3
Marriage doesn’t have to be ideal, The most important thing it should be functional.
I believe, so does in traveling.
You might need one with the same vision, but the other important thing, you also need a company with different functions.
For every little details I am quite good at (although it becomes debatable in this trip), I get a good one who covers for the big picture that I am quite lack of and I am beyond grateful to be blessed with such traveling partner.
If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together”. African Proverb
It’s been a very long ride until we finally safely arrived in this trip main destination.
I didn’t have any expectations about this city. No idea what it would be.
I rarely fall in love with the first sight. But, Porto got me right.
Less than one hour set my feet in this city, I fell in love in an instant. This city is beyond charming.
It had been 48 hours without having a proper meal, it served us with a set of Portugese home made meal from a tiny homey local restaurant across our apartment. It was pumpkin soup and red bean rice with cod fish. I really wanted to cry while sipping the soup. It was the best meal I had in this trip.
We stopped by for the light groceries nearby then returned to the apartment. When we arrived, our room was ready.
We bought Andante card for the bus and metro at Sao Bento station. Our first visit in the afternoon was Ribiera. Sitting by Duoro river and listening to street musician. The little girl seemed too tired after countless flight and airports transfer to do anything else, so she just slept on the bench by the river.
We stayed for 4 days, the first two we went together, while the other two, the doctor attended the course which became the main reason we visited Porto, so me and the little girl explored the city on our own.
Porto is fascinating. I love almost everything about it. It might be not as neatly ordered or filled with stunning beauty like some of other citites in Europe. It is more like beautiful mess with the right measure.
Couldn’t help taking too many pictures of murals and facades. We also stayed in the street of art where there are lots of small galleries.
We basically ticked all the a must see places. Sunset in Jardim de Morro, Mercado de Bolhao, Santa Catarina, Livraria Lello, Cedofeita, Jardin de Palacio, Natural History museum in Universiti of Porto. But, the best one about the city is its charming alleys.
For someone who loves walking, being lost in Porto alleys were the highlights of my staying in this city. Just going in and out aimlessly made me happy.
I love how it felt safe to walk there. I reclaimed my solo traveling in between time spent together and it was so refreshing. There were those times when this trip worth all the hassles been through to get here.
Their bus card called Andante . In music, Andante means a tempo in walking pace. It’s funny how it fits the description of their city. Four days spent in Porto, I feel like life was running in adagio., which means a slow tempo.
Beauty. Safety. Walkability. Porto has set the bar too high for introduction to south Europe. It’s underrated yet highly recommended city to visit.
The city’s postcard viewOne of the most beautiful bookstores in the world. Paid entrance for €5, which could be used for buying a book here.One of the most beautiful Mcd in the world, said the articleSunset from Jardim de MorroSardine is a serious bussiness hereAlma in front of Capela de AlmasMercado Bolhao
So, we received this year Piano exam result yesterday.
Last year result set a high benchmark which was quite hard to beat. More than sure, it would be too good to be true to achieve the same result this year. But, we expect at least it won’t be too far from last year one.
It turned out to be not as good as we expected.
The poin jumped down by ten points. The awards shorten by many lines.
She cried hard and sobbing loudly after knowing the result. She said, “ I thought I did well!”. It was funny than sad actually watching her coping with this.
If that was the result we received for the first time, I think I would definitely dance joyfully. Few awards and goes to prize concert in June was quite big. To say it’s bad is quite ungrateful actually.
Comparison is a thief of joy indeeed, isn’t it?
But, evaluating the situations needed.
Last year exam done by recording exam due to pandemic. It wasn’t a usual practice. But, no other options. The exam should be recorded in one long video without stop then submitted the recording to the exam google drive. She did quite well for all the five pieces.
This year, the school slowly returns to normal exam but they still give options. Students can choose whether they want to do online (by zoom, not recording) or offline, face to face.
I didn’t have any hesitations about choosing between the two. Face to face is the only way to go. There’s no use going for another year of online exam. She needs to experience offline exam as soon as possible.
Last year, time for practice was available abundantly. School was still doing more online than offline. No morning rush to the school so we could do our morning practice leisurely.
This year, as school has fully returned to offline, five times a week, time for practice reduces significantly. Some of the days, we could only manage to get 10 minutes.
Since the beginning of the year, we started having afternoon practice knowing the morning one is not enough. But, I think morning is still the best time to practice. The morning energy is totally different with the afternoon.
Last year, we chose all the five pieces by ourselves. Those five pieces were highly enjoyable. The set of five songs played in order was exciting. The combination between the low and slow pieces taking turn between the fast paced and grand pieces were beautiful. Watching her playing the whole set was so entertaining.
This year, when the teacher suggested the exam pieces, that was quite surprising. All the pieces chosen were downgraded in terms of technical requirements and mostly not as enjoyable as last year ones. I once asked about this to the teacher . She said this grade required the students to start playing etude and they had to choose two pieces of etude and that was quite hard.
Okay, so we chose two safe and easy compulsory etudes for the exams. But, what was even more surprising, the teacher also chose equally safe and easy songs for the optional pieces. Three equally safe and easy songs. All has only one page consist of four rows. Simple notes and melody.
I was trying not to be too fussy, but I asked the little girl to ask her teacher to at least play one or two that would be more entertaining. We couldn’t do much about the boring etudes since they are compulsory but we can do something about the optional ones.
Among the three optional songs, two were finally changed to slightly difficult ones, although it’s as short as the intial choice. One song remained the same.
For the exam, whether it is recording, online via zoom, or offline face to face, they will only play three songs out of five. The jurors will choose the three songs that they will listen in recording, or the song to play for the online and offline.
We practiced the five pieces equally but it’s unavoidable to have preferences. Not really equally I think, I demand her to practice more the for the harder one, and she voluntarily practice more for the song she prefers more than the others. One etude is more preferable than the other one. Among three optional pieces, one song is also played better than the other two. Why better?Because she loved it, because the songs allowed her to love it. It is only three bars but allows different mood in playing it.
On the exam day, she got one etude which was less preferable one, the song she played the best, and another easy one that included from the beginning. I actually had no idea what happened inside, but she exited from the exam room with a happy face.
So be it then. After all, our control stopped at the efforts. Result is never ours to decide.
When we finally got the result, I was torn between disappointed and unsurprised. Among the three songs she played, she only got a single award for that one particular song that she played best. That’s it.
Let’s compare this year awads with last year.
She got awards for all three pieces she played last year along with the second place spot for her year while only got one single award for this year without knowing where she sits for this year. That one piece really saved our heart I think. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel if she missed everything.
Here’s when I thought the feeling towards the song should be taken into account when choosing a piece. I have been a piano teacher for 15 years and now exclusively teaching my daughter after we moved to London. During that 15 years, I joined five years of school competitions with my students.
Not all student could compete. Competition is not concert. As a teacher, I set personal requirements for those who can join the competition. I don’t want to waste months of time and energy, since competition is not compulsory.
Only one that really could spare time to work hard for the competition among any other their responsibilities, can bear long hours of practice, and enjoy being scolded regularly that are eligible to register. Why setting such requirements? Because, they will compete with such students from many other teachers. Without having those requirements fulfilled, they will lose even before they play on the stage.
Among five years where I joined the school competition, there was no single year my student came home empty hands. For my last year of teaching, two students enrolled, both came home with first winner prize.
Such result is actually start from a little thing called choosing the right piece. I could spend hours to sit and think about which piece should be played by each student according to their competition level by grade, according to their best strengths, judging how less known the song is. The less popular the better.
Back to the exam results above, it also confirmed the same thing. When it comes to performing, choosing the right song matters a lot. Winning a competition starts by choosing the right song to play.
Well, I rest my case here.
The real deal about dealing with disappointment is actually not the on theday when it happened, but on the days after we brought it to sleep. It would be the first one you think about after waking up in the morning. A year of hard work will keep flashing back on your mind, the countless rigorous practice sessions we had done, and many more.
But, is it all bad? Of course not. By getting the result, we are able to know what works and what don’t. Through this year results, we know being on the top couldn’t be achieved by doing bare minimum practice. Last but not least, this year result gives easier standard to achieve better next year compared to what last year done to this year.
With 99 last year, where should we go other than going down?
Guess I am done with my coping.
Writing always helps.
Breathe in, breathe out, let’s return to 90 bracket next year. Bismillah.
3: Beaches and coastal walks only 30 mins away from the city.
4. Halal food options are pretty easy to find.
5. The mixture of european and asian architecture in the residence area.
6. Stay in Central is so far the best decision made. Glad I didn’t proceed to cancel the hotel on the last minute just because a wifi issue. Solved quickly.
7. Five days are the ideal length of stay.
8. Late summer soon autumn is perfect weather to travel in Sydney.
9. People are moderately nice. Not that friendly, but definitely not unwelcoming.
10. Independent coffee shop is a real serious bussiness here.
We finally break the fasting of regular traveling after hard thought and long consideration, after putting other priorities ahead for the past three years.
Accidentally exactly three years difference.
Resumed exercising the long traveling muscle turned out wasn’t easy as I thought. The back pain sleeping in sitting position made me think about the comfy bed at home.
The long waiting between arrival and the check in made me wish about this and that.
The messed up routines made me slightly uncomfortable. The only reason choosing this date : Public holiday on Saturday, so no YPM.
Dealing with immigration and customs always makes me anxious.
The high tension of pre-departure where I want the house is clean and clear make me do continuous cleaning even until two hours before going to the airport. Other than Ramadan and Eid, my home is on its best shape when we have traveling plan. Simply because : I don’t want coming back to a messy home. The post traveling mess is more than enough to deal with.
So, then, why bother?
Because being too comfortable and not learning anything new is more dangerous.
Because missing the important years for the little girl training outside her classroom and zoom meetings should make me more anxious.
Because, based on the past experiences, in spite of the hardships and the twists each past travels bring, how intense they were, I don’t have any slightest regrets doing all of them.
We met a mother with THREE KIDS UNDER FIVE traveled alone on the same flight. The littlest one had been crying almost through all the journey. But, near the landing, she had been in so much better mood and I saw them smiling happily when we landed. I was so proud of them. They will surely remember what they’d been through together for many years to come.
At least, it happened to us. First disastrous trip to Paris, where the little girl cried for two long haul flights, the sweat of nursing her a whole night, and she ended up sleeping on the floor until the first transit (that little baby slept in a bassinet), the tension she gave us where it was so packed on that tiny airplane from Istanbul to Paris and she didn’t stop whinning, I sweared after that trip, I would never take any kind of this crazy thing anymore.
Never say never.
After that disastrous Paris, she’s flourished and I broke that promise.
Yesterday, a reunion with high school friends happened after five years which was the longest we hadn’t met.
I rarely could belong in a group. I am more into solo and the maximum member of group I could survive is three to five. But, it’s a different case for this one.
We met at the last year of senior high school by being on the same science class. High school was quite confusing place for me. I couldn’t fully safe being there until I met this people on the last year.
For the first time, it felt so safe.
What does it mean to be safe?
Safe just to be who I am.
This class is full of, borrowing the word from one of my friends there, socially misfits people. I prefer socially awkward actually. When I looked back, that class indeed was full of neurodivergent people. But, instead of chaos, it was beautifully blended.
For the first time during my school years, I chose to be in charge. I became the initiator of all meetings that happened for the last 20 years. I voluntarily organized those meetings.
When it comes to these people, this lazy me suddenly get my full energy to take care things to the smallest detail.
Just like when I take care Langit.
A kind of energy that only exist because you love something.
I could transform to be extremely extroverted when I am with them. Being loud and talk quite a lot and no pretense. They bring out the other side of me that is rarely appear in the surface.
A kind of personality that blooms when you grow in right soil.
We met often during the four years of college. From a simple eating out, ifthar together, a trip to Kota Tua, visiting a sick friend, attending the weddings and many more. Those were one of the best times of my 20s I spent with others.
But, life happened after that. The meeting slowly changed from regularly to occasionally to rarely then never. There were period where no matter how much I put my energy, it didn’t happen until I certain point I became reluctant.
There were periods where that whatsapp group was in a complete silence for a long time and I didn’t even have the willing to fuel it up.
Early this year, slowly but sure, the flame started burning again. After observing for some time, I dared my self to initiate the gathering once again. Thankfully, this time, the crowd answered better.
Long story short, we had that loud, full of laughter and talks in a restaurant which became our regular meeting point for a long time.
What makes this reunion worth my time and energy is because these people haven’t changed at all. We are the same old high school kids with 20 years older age.
You won’t find anyone flexing and bluffing about how materially successful one is, no uncomfortable degrading question asked. If everyone ask how are you it is literally means how are you.
I once wrote about them in the past after a meeting and yesterday’s meeting energy gave me the exact same feeling.
Joy and love. The one who made you smile and felt warm at heart after meeting them.
I hope everyone is stay healthy so we could have many more meetings in the future.
In one of my favorite books, it said good social relationship is the number one predictor for those who want to be aging well and happily.
This kind of social group is indeed one for me.
The last minute idea to make a group shirt was brilliant. The writing on the back was mine! This is us 20 years from 2003.My love language is words of affirmation indeed
A Penny for My Pensieve 