I wrote on the previous post about how anxious I have been dealing with longer leisure time with the new schedule since the beginning of little girl’s new academic year.
I also stated that this wasn’t the first time and the more anxious I was, the more intense the searching. In the end, it has been always something new to do.
Funnily, not long after I published the post, an offer came.
I have been volunteering with an English bootcamp since more than a year ago. My initial intention was just to be more useful and maybe I could learn a thing or two. So when I saw the opening on the internet, I signed up right away.
My role is basically facilitating a discussion on a small break out room in Zoom around 2×30 minutes with 3-4 people. The camp provides a booklet contained different kind of articles in English and two sets of questions to be discussed on the break out room.
For someone who doesn’t like talking, close to never turn on my camera during a meeting, signing up for this camp is another way to push myself to do something that I am not comfortable with. For the first few months, it had been exceed my expectations.
I have been receiving a lot of positive feedbacks as a moderator. All those kind words in Secreto filled me with joy and somehow it becomes the fuel to make me stay in spite of postponing my sleeping time a little bit. I really enjoy the class and listening to all the story of the strangers I meet here. Close to never skipping any classes.
Another reason why this is enjoyable because it only runs for 6 days a month within two weeks. So, there’s space for me to have a break and miss this class.
After few months, the founder offered me a teaching position. While being a moderator is a voluntary work, the teaching is a paid one. I accepted it for two meetings.
Teaching in front of large audience is not my strength at all, so from my personal opinion, I still have a lot to learn to make myself comfortable and confident enough to deliver an interesting session.
They offered me another one or two months later and I accepted it as long as I felt confident enough with the materials.
Right after I published the second last previous post, I received a text on my messenger from the founder asked me whether I would interested in joining their internal team.
I enjoy being a moderator there, but working for them is another story. I gave them my conditions and I asked in details what kind of job that I would do and the expectation. After several discussions, I finally agreed and decided to take offer. I have been wanting a fully remote part time work with tolerable work load, and this is the exactly what I have been looking for.
So, insya Allah, starting next Monday, a new experience begins. After four years since resigning from the last workplace and moved to another continent, this will be the first time I resume working for others. Hopefully everything will be okay and I can survive this well. Amin.
Another struggle solved and updated with a new one.
This trip looks good and perfect in pictures but quite a mess in the structure.
So far, the most twisted one among the history of family trips.
From the messy itinerary, a week journey with seven flights rally, Long delay made us sprint in Abu Dhabi, Denied check in when we’re fully ready, Paid a hefty sum of money for the tiny mistake I didn’t see, Ran back to the airplane after realizing I left a bag with passports, handphones, and money below the handrest in the seat forty, Another sprint session in Abu Dhabi, during queuing for boarding, ran between terminal one and three, to fetch another bag I left when we checked out at two thirty.
Those were crazy, honestly.
But, I also felt being saved for countless time while dealing with those difficulties. It felt surreal when the plane touched the ground back to this city yesterday afternoon at three thirty, We were wasted yet,gratefully healthy.
This writing finished yesterday at ten forty, all the luggages were already returned to its place safely, while the washing machine was singing happily. My clean laundry was ready.
Scene 2
We might have lots of miss and twists, but we got it easy when it comes to traveling with this little girl buddy. It might be hard to believe when I said we had zero tantrums since she was a baby.
They said traveling is one of the truest test of character. If it is true, then, she must have passed with flying colors. Much calmer than her mother, while dealing with so many irregulars, Where everything was so unfamiliar.
I have no control of what she would become of despite all the best efforts that had been done, but I hope, she would thrive and becomes an adult who deals with lots of uncertainties in life like she does with everything that traveling brings when she was a child.
The best traveling buddy parents could ask for
Scene 3
Marriage doesn’t have to be ideal, The most important thing it should be functional.
I believe, so does in traveling.
You might need one with the same vision, but the other important thing, you also need a company with different functions.
For every little details I am quite good at (although it becomes debatable in this trip), I get a good one who covers for the big picture that I am quite lack of and I am beyond grateful to be blessed with such traveling partner.
If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together”. African Proverb
It’s been a very long ride until we finally safely arrived in this trip main destination.
I didn’t have any expectations about this city. No idea what it would be.
I rarely fall in love with the first sight. But, Porto got me right.
Less than one hour set my feet in this city, I fell in love in an instant. This city is beyond charming.
It had been 48 hours without having a proper meal, it served us with a set of Portugese home made meal from a tiny homey local restaurant across our apartment. It was pumpkin soup and red bean rice with cod fish. I really wanted to cry while sipping the soup. It was the best meal I had in this trip.
We stopped by for the light groceries nearby then returned to the apartment. When we arrived, our room was ready.
We bought Andante card for the bus and metro at Sao Bento station. Our first visit in the afternoon was Ribiera. Sitting by Duoro river and listening to street musician. The little girl seemed too tired after countless flight and airports transfer to do anything else, so she just slept on the bench by the river.
We stayed for 4 days, the first two we went together, while the other two, the doctor attended the course which became the main reason we visited Porto, so me and the little girl explored the city on our own.
Porto is fascinating. I love almost everything about it. It might be not as neatly ordered or filled with stunning beauty like some of other citites in Europe. It is more like beautiful mess with the right measure.
Couldn’t help taking too many pictures of murals and facades. We also stayed in the street of art where there are lots of small galleries.
We basically ticked all the a must see places. Sunset in Jardim de Morro, Mercado de Bolhao, Santa Catarina, Livraria Lello, Cedofeita, Jardin de Palacio, Natural History museum in Universiti of Porto. But, the best one about the city is its charming alleys.
For someone who loves walking, being lost in Porto alleys were the highlights of my staying in this city. Just going in and out aimlessly made me happy.
I love how it felt safe to walk there. I reclaimed my solo traveling in between time spent together and it was so refreshing. There were those times when this trip worth all the hassles been through to get here.
Their bus card called Andante . In music, Andante means a tempo in walking pace. It’s funny how it fits the description of their city. Four days spent in Porto, I feel like life was running in adagio., which means a slow tempo.
Beauty. Safety. Walkability. Porto has set the bar too high for introduction to south Europe. It’s underrated yet highly recommended city to visit.
The city’s postcard viewOne of the most beautiful bookstores in the world. Paid entrance for €5, which could be used for buying a book here.One of the most beautiful Mcd in the world, said the articleSunset from Jardim de MorroSardine is a serious bussiness hereAlma in front of Capela de AlmasMercado Bolhao
So, we received this year Piano exam result yesterday.
Last year result set a high benchmark which was quite hard to beat. More than sure, it would be too good to be true to achieve the same result this year. But, we expect at least it won’t be too far from last year one.
It turned out to be not as good as we expected.
The poin jumped down by ten points. The awards shorten by many lines.
She cried hard and sobbing loudly after knowing the result. She said, “ I thought I did well!”. It was funny than sad actually watching her coping with this.
If that was the result we received for the first time, I think I would definitely dance joyfully. Few awards and goes to prize concert in June was quite big. To say it’s bad is quite ungrateful actually.
Comparison is a thief of joy indeeed, isn’t it?
But, evaluating the situations needed.
Last year exam done by recording exam due to pandemic. It wasn’t a usual practice. But, no other options. The exam should be recorded in one long video without stop then submitted the recording to the exam google drive. She did quite well for all the five pieces.
This year, the school slowly returns to normal exam but they still give options. Students can choose whether they want to do online (by zoom, not recording) or offline, face to face.
I didn’t have any hesitations about choosing between the two. Face to face is the only way to go. There’s no use going for another year of online exam. She needs to experience offline exam as soon as possible.
Last year, time for practice was available abundantly. School was still doing more online than offline. No morning rush to the school so we could do our morning practice leisurely.
This year, as school has fully returned to offline, five times a week, time for practice reduces significantly. Some of the days, we could only manage to get 10 minutes.
Since the beginning of the year, we started having afternoon practice knowing the morning one is not enough. But, I think morning is still the best time to practice. The morning energy is totally different with the afternoon.
Last year, we chose all the five pieces by ourselves. Those five pieces were highly enjoyable. The set of five songs played in order was exciting. The combination between the low and slow pieces taking turn between the fast paced and grand pieces were beautiful. Watching her playing the whole set was so entertaining.
This year, when the teacher suggested the exam pieces, that was quite surprising. All the pieces chosen were downgraded in terms of technical requirements and mostly not as enjoyable as last year ones. I once asked about this to the teacher . She said this grade required the students to start playing etude and they had to choose two pieces of etude and that was quite hard.
Okay, so we chose two safe and easy compulsory etudes for the exams. But, what was even more surprising, the teacher also chose equally safe and easy songs for the optional pieces. Three equally safe and easy songs. All has only one page consist of four rows. Simple notes and melody.
I was trying not to be too fussy, but I asked the little girl to ask her teacher to at least play one or two that would be more entertaining. We couldn’t do much about the boring etudes since they are compulsory but we can do something about the optional ones.
Among the three optional songs, two were finally changed to slightly difficult ones, although it’s as short as the intial choice. One song remained the same.
For the exam, whether it is recording, online via zoom, or offline face to face, they will only play three songs out of five. The jurors will choose the three songs that they will listen in recording, or the song to play for the online and offline.
We practiced the five pieces equally but it’s unavoidable to have preferences. Not really equally I think, I demand her to practice more the for the harder one, and she voluntarily practice more for the song she prefers more than the others. One etude is more preferable than the other one. Among three optional pieces, one song is also played better than the other two. Why better?Because she loved it, because the songs allowed her to love it. It is only three bars but allows different mood in playing it.
On the exam day, she got one etude which was less preferable one, the song she played the best, and another easy one that included from the beginning. I actually had no idea what happened inside, but she exited from the exam room with a happy face.
So be it then. After all, our control stopped at the efforts. Result is never ours to decide.
When we finally got the result, I was torn between disappointed and unsurprised. Among the three songs she played, she only got a single award for that one particular song that she played best. That’s it.
Let’s compare this year awads with last year.
She got awards for all three pieces she played last year along with the second place spot for her year while only got one single award for this year without knowing where she sits for this year. That one piece really saved our heart I think. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel if she missed everything.
Here’s when I thought the feeling towards the song should be taken into account when choosing a piece. I have been a piano teacher for 15 years and now exclusively teaching my daughter after we moved to London. During that 15 years, I joined five years of school competitions with my students.
Not all student could compete. Competition is not concert. As a teacher, I set personal requirements for those who can join the competition. I don’t want to waste months of time and energy, since competition is not compulsory.
Only one that really could spare time to work hard for the competition among any other their responsibilities, can bear long hours of practice, and enjoy being scolded regularly that are eligible to register. Why setting such requirements? Because, they will compete with such students from many other teachers. Without having those requirements fulfilled, they will lose even before they play on the stage.
Among five years where I joined the school competition, there was no single year my student came home empty hands. For my last year of teaching, two students enrolled, both came home with first winner prize.
Such result is actually start from a little thing called choosing the right piece. I could spend hours to sit and think about which piece should be played by each student according to their competition level by grade, according to their best strengths, judging how less known the song is. The less popular the better.
Back to the exam results above, it also confirmed the same thing. When it comes to performing, choosing the right song matters a lot. Winning a competition starts by choosing the right song to play.
Well, I rest my case here.
The real deal about dealing with disappointment is actually not the on theday when it happened, but on the days after we brought it to sleep. It would be the first one you think about after waking up in the morning. A year of hard work will keep flashing back on your mind, the countless rigorous practice sessions we had done, and many more.
But, is it all bad? Of course not. By getting the result, we are able to know what works and what don’t. Through this year results, we know being on the top couldn’t be achieved by doing bare minimum practice. Last but not least, this year result gives easier standard to achieve better next year compared to what last year done to this year.
With 99 last year, where should we go other than going down?
Guess I am done with my coping.
Writing always helps.
Breathe in, breathe out, let’s return to 90 bracket next year. Bismillah.
3: Beaches and coastal walks only 30 mins away from the city.
4. Halal food options are pretty easy to find.
5. The mixture of european and asian architecture in the residence area.
6. Stay in Central is so far the best decision made. Glad I didn’t proceed to cancel the hotel on the last minute just because a wifi issue. Solved quickly.
7. Five days are the ideal length of stay.
8. Late summer soon autumn is perfect weather to travel in Sydney.
9. People are moderately nice. Not that friendly, but definitely not unwelcoming.
10. Independent coffee shop is a real serious bussiness here.
We finally break the fasting of regular traveling after hard thought and long consideration, after putting other priorities ahead for the past three years.
Accidentally exactly three years difference.
Resumed exercising the long traveling muscle turned out wasn’t easy as I thought. The back pain sleeping in sitting position made me think about the comfy bed at home.
The long waiting between arrival and the check in made me wish about this and that.
The messed up routines made me slightly uncomfortable. The only reason choosing this date : Public holiday on Saturday, so no YPM.
Dealing with immigration and customs always makes me anxious.
The high tension of pre-departure where I want the house is clean and clear make me do continuous cleaning even until two hours before going to the airport. Other than Ramadan and Eid, my home is on its best shape when we have traveling plan. Simply because : I don’t want coming back to a messy home. The post traveling mess is more than enough to deal with.
So, then, why bother?
Because being too comfortable and not learning anything new is more dangerous.
Because missing the important years for the little girl training outside her classroom and zoom meetings should make me more anxious.
Because, based on the past experiences, in spite of the hardships and the twists each past travels bring, how intense they were, I don’t have any slightest regrets doing all of them.
We met a mother with THREE KIDS UNDER FIVE traveled alone on the same flight. The littlest one had been crying almost through all the journey. But, near the landing, she had been in so much better mood and I saw them smiling happily when we landed. I was so proud of them. They will surely remember what they’d been through together for many years to come.
At least, it happened to us. First disastrous trip to Paris, where the little girl cried for two long haul flights, the sweat of nursing her a whole night, and she ended up sleeping on the floor until the first transit (that little baby slept in a bassinet), the tension she gave us where it was so packed on that tiny airplane from Istanbul to Paris and she didn’t stop whinning, I sweared after that trip, I would never take any kind of this crazy thing anymore.
Never say never.
After that disastrous Paris, she’s flourished and I broke that promise.
Yesterday, a reunion with high school friends happened after five years which was the longest we hadn’t met.
I rarely could belong in a group. I am more into solo and the maximum member of group I could survive is three to five. But, it’s a different case for this one.
We met at the last year of senior high school by being on the same science class. High school was quite confusing place for me. I couldn’t fully safe being there until I met this people on the last year.
For the first time, it felt so safe.
What does it mean to be safe?
Safe just to be who I am.
This class is full of, borrowing the word from one of my friends there, socially misfits people. I prefer socially awkward actually. When I looked back, that class indeed was full of neurodivergent people. But, instead of chaos, it was beautifully blended.
For the first time during my school years, I chose to be in charge. I became the initiator of all meetings that happened for the last 20 years. I voluntarily organized those meetings.
When it comes to these people, this lazy me suddenly get my full energy to take care things to the smallest detail.
Just like when I take care Langit.
A kind of energy that only exist because you love something.
I could transform to be extremely extroverted when I am with them. Being loud and talk quite a lot and no pretense. They bring out the other side of me that is rarely appear in the surface.
A kind of personality that blooms when you grow in right soil.
We met often during the four years of college. From a simple eating out, ifthar together, a trip to Kota Tua, visiting a sick friend, attending the weddings and many more. Those were one of the best times of my 20s I spent with others.
But, life happened after that. The meeting slowly changed from regularly to occasionally to rarely then never. There were period where no matter how much I put my energy, it didn’t happen until I certain point I became reluctant.
There were periods where that whatsapp group was in a complete silence for a long time and I didn’t even have the willing to fuel it up.
Early this year, slowly but sure, the flame started burning again. After observing for some time, I dared my self to initiate the gathering once again. Thankfully, this time, the crowd answered better.
Long story short, we had that loud, full of laughter and talks in a restaurant which became our regular meeting point for a long time.
What makes this reunion worth my time and energy is because these people haven’t changed at all. We are the same old high school kids with 20 years older age.
You won’t find anyone flexing and bluffing about how materially successful one is, no uncomfortable degrading question asked. If everyone ask how are you it is literally means how are you.
I once wrote about them in the past after a meeting and yesterday’s meeting energy gave me the exact same feeling.
Joy and love. The one who made you smile and felt warm at heart after meeting them.
I hope everyone is stay healthy so we could have many more meetings in the future.
In one of my favorite books, it said good social relationship is the number one predictor for those who want to be aging well and happily.
This kind of social group is indeed one for me.
The last minute idea to make a group shirt was brilliant. The writing on the back was mine! This is us 20 years from 2003.My love language is words of affirmation indeed
My mother was once very poor until she had to live for several years on the back part of her cousin’s house.
She told me how she had to watch how her cousins had a lot of beautiful shoes that she really wanted while she only got this one pair which she had to fix it with nails whenever the soles were broken.
When I was little, I remembered had quite pairs of leather shoes which models were unique while she had also some pairs with different colors.
She was indeed a strong-willed one, had goals in life and be focused on achieving all of them. I am quite lucky she inherited those traits to me.
Among six, she was the only one who managed to finish her college, went abroad and traveled to many places. She repeated that story continuously, but I considered it just a story that was quite hard to relate since it was totally far from my reality.
After the little girl came, all those words cameback to me. I finally realized how much work had done by previous generations so the current one could enjoy a better start in life.
In raising a child and achieving anything, money makes things easier. But, its function stopped there.
We need time and energy. Without time and energy, money alone won’t take you anywhere.
It became clear how significant the privileges passed from her grandparents could do in raising her. The privileges here aren’t about money or material possessions. There are some privileges that parent unconsciously (or intentionally) give to their children like :
habit
mindset
lifestyle
No child has the same parents although they come from the same parents. What one child remembered about their parents could be totally different from the others. Thus, the privileges inherited also different.
My mother and her siblings were the real proof. None of her siblings could have half of what she achieved. Among five, only one managed to finish college. The four left don’t live much differently than they have been since many years ago
Been having a conclusion for a while that a child is actually the product of their grandparents parenting, UNLESS, the parents make significant changes, good or bad. This was what my mom did.
She refused to continue living the same way so that was why she planned almost everything in her life to be at the better place than she was before.
There’s also the saying “if you fail to educate your children, you’ll end up raising you grandchildren” which rings true. Her sister up until her old age is busy raising her grandchildren.
The saying from zero to hero back to zero in three generations is not a myth. It might hard to believe when I heard that my mother’s grandfather was one of the richest men in his hometown. By the third generation, not much left. Look what happened to his granddaughter.
Maybe this is why you should talk a lot to your children. You never know where the influence of your words stop. It’s also quite important to learn about your family history. So the past mistakes could be avoided at all cost.
When you inherited good privileges, it’s a strong reason for not being lazy and throw away those hard-earned privileges. It should be passed on to the next generation.
The future life won’t be any easier so there’s no reason to make a child life easy. What they enjoy now is not something that they should take for granted. They might have a completely different reality for their own life later, which we surely want it to be a better one, don’t we?
Thus, there’s no shortcut other than to do the works. It’s truly the parents job to prepare them, for them to be able to live on their own.
Make them work hard, doing daily habit until it becomes part of them that no one couldn’t take, set the standard to do things in life, and many more.
If only we know how little time we have to prepare them for everything to deal with their own life later.
Keep climbing is not an option, it’s an obligation.
An opening post for a self reminder for not being complacent to deal whatever I have to do with little girl.
I entered this year with much heavier heart than two previous years. This year becomes a ten year marker from the incredible 2012.
Looking back to many things that happened ten years ago, I am still trembling remembering how I went through month by month of 2012.
I entered that year with high level of confidence and excitement until I thought at certain point, I forgot to realize human could only plan, but, we had no slightest control for the end result. We had the right to fight and make our dreams come true, but not how the way it came true.
Every single dreams granted, according to Him. Not according to what I imagined. In 2012, I felt like being dragged to the lowest point to show me who got the highest control of my life.
Three grand things granted yet three VIPSs taken. Losing three closest family members from mother’s side, accomplished two 20s big dreams and a life changing milestone, all within a year.
Apart from the big news, there were countless little (heart-breaking) moments in between.
The first residency exam failure, a longer distance relationship while preparing the wedding within months. From KL-Jkt, to JKT-Borneo, Mecca-JKT until the very last minutes. I even thought whether we really could make it until the big day with so many episodes dealing with dramas here and there. It felt surreal having bendera kuning (yellow flag as a sign of death) just two weeks before putting the janur kuning (yellow plant as a sign of a wedding) at my dad’s home.
Usually, what makes me survive hardships is the thought “when things already on its worst shape, then it will only get better.
But, it didn’t applicable in that year. It was like moving from one bad circumstance to another. There was break in between, but until the very end of the year, the heart had been so overwhelmed and overworked dealing with grieves, dissapointment, fear, and high level of anxiety.
It felt surreal to experience all the emotions a human could feel in a whole year.
I was and am still more than amazed I could pass such year alive.
Maybe what helped to stay sane at that time was I wrote everything. Certain pain from 2012 lasts till today. No cure for such pain yet, it doesn’t prevent me to keep moving on. Those writings feel like a pain reliever while going on with life. Ten years later, reading all those writings became huge consolations for me.
—————————————
Been through a lot for the past ten years. From the best thing beyond the wildest imagination to the worst thing beyond expectation.
Good to great things that I though could never be mine found their way to greet me in the strangest possible ways. Unbelievably amazing.
Bad to the worst ones that I thought could only exist in fictional stories, also made their way to reach me through the most unexpected way. There were periods when I kept asking what I did to deserve this, but I could hear the answer right away, “Why shouldn’t you?”
These past ten years have been the roller coaster ride for someone who expects life would be as flat as potato chip. Or maybe cassava one.
Going through a lot of things surely contributes to slightly higher level of wisdom, but, the level is only as high as knowing that no matter how bad things seem to be, it won’t make stop the world from spinning.
Your world might be shattered, but life will keep going as if nothing happens. Life doesn’t care about your opinion.
It feels easy when we see it easy, yet it is messy when we want it to be messy. Our choice.
These past ten years make me fully realize you’re mostly on your own. Whatever happens to you, you have to deal with them on your own. Nothing and no one could help without yourself doing, fixing, and figuring out yourself how to deal with everything.
Again, it’s actually good news knowing it depends on no one but ourselves as well as bad news that we’re the one who should do the dirty works.
Staying sane in adulthood is a tough job indeed.
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This year might not as ‘tough’ as it was ten years ago. But, the anxiety felt was pretty much the same, only in another department. Started the year with the biggest turmoil in the small business so far. Days felt like weeks. Woke up each day with heavy breathing, went through it by waiting for the progress, no matter how small. It went well at the end, with certain price.
Following months were not better. Another anxiety followed about how to keep to cut someone from the bussiness. It had dragged too much already because I was too lazy and afraid thinking what I would do without the longest person stayed that knew everything about running the store. Thing kept getting worse and on a Tuesday night, I pull the trigger and did the shot.
What a relief.
Done? Ho ho ho.
Then, months of headaches continued. Started rearranging everything with the old and newcomers. As first it was fine. Until the last old one who already stayed also handed in his resignation request a month after.
I had no tears left.
Five years from starting the small business, it was as if we started from zero once again. With all new members who were only no less than three months.
Show must go on.
Again, days felt like years this time. I kept waking up thinking “let’s get through this” day by day. Mistakes happened not twice a year, but twice a week. I was fully responsible here.
I am not one who stays all through the day, seven days a week. The answer because of what written here. Couldn’t do two full time jobs at once.
Before pandemic, I have done remote working and it works so far, not extremely well, but it works. I even ran it from 11.000 km away. My instructions were to the tiniest details.
Having all new members at once gave me daily headaches. For three months, I was dealing with nonstop complaints until I didn’t want to deal with it anymore.
But, good thing is, I rarely quit when things get hard. It gives me more reason to keep going until it feels easy.
Slowly, things got better. Suddenly, the peaceful days return with minor and not much harm mistakes along the way. Alhamdulillah.
That when personal life took its turn with my dad in law sudden decline and passing. I might be just a daughter in law, but it took me sometime until I feel it’s real that he’s no longer with us.
Of course, it’s not all low this year.
Celebrating eight years working as a mother, ten years surviving life together, Moving to a new place, The trips done, the papers signed, ticked off two biggest family plans after massive savings for the past two years thanks to pandemic which makes traveling less tempting.
For all those things granted, Alhamdulillah spelled countlessly.
I have been thinking passing 2012 safely was an achievement to be proud of, guess I would say all the same for 2022.
Two high schoolers met in 2002 without knowing the dramas they would face for the next ten years ahead.
Fast forward ⏩
Two years of preparations while doing multiple long distance, among three griefs and countless setbacks throughout the year, it felt surreal to finally sign the paper at the end of 2012.
Both were jobless.One just finished master degree, the other one freshly enrolled to residency. Near zero saving à grace the wedding.
But, that didn’t stop her making an excel sheet for the wedding money. Made a report and returned 20% of it to both parents. Shared 30% to other family members.
The rest 50% went to them. Instead of using everything, put 80% of it to the untouchable instrument and tried to survive few first months with the last 20% while looking for other streams.
Downgraded everything. The resident had been driving a car around since high school. Being married made him walking and riding angkot as early as 5 am, as late as 12 am. Ojek was out of budget.
Signed the paper meant agreed to two new roles : a wife and a breadwinner, didn’t prepare for an additional one. Mother left just two weeks before the wedding and took over her responsibilites at home was unavoidable.
Been working for 10 years before marriage and knew exactly what number is sufficient. What needed at that time was time and space to stay sane and just ‘enough’ money to support this family.
Secured one job with flexible schedule and looked for another to support the resident.
Once so close signing with another work who accepted her T&C. Before the pen touched the paper, saw a little important detail that had been discussed missing. Said they would fix it after signing. Closed the pen and left.
Being penniless doesn’t mean no choices. It’s just limited. This too shall pass spelt continously.
In spite of many things life threw, they survived. Other than many helps from invisible hands, what also helped was both had 80% done with themselves. Did what they wanted to do,went places,not much what-if left.
Low on money but highly self-aware. Financially fragile yet mentally strong to handle the shittiest days.
Those only felt good in memories, not in reality.
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The burden of adulthood is not something one should take lightly. Asking another person to share the burden should be considered carefully, thought repeatedly, and chosen wisely.
Gonna spend most of the lifetime with someone who will decide what life will look like in the next 20,30 years down the line. We’re about to choose the father (or mother) of our child(ren).
Use more of the head more than the heart when it comes to marriage.
Write down everything. Be specific about the non-negotiables. Don’t compromise. Do the math. Take your time. Discuss everything. Make sure the values aligned.
Ask in details to The One who grants all the request. He granted even a wish as simple as “I dont want any sister-in-law (sister from the husband)”. No pray is silly enough.
Not much could be said once one entered the jungle other than good luck and lower the expectations.
Done? Lower some more. Expect (and always be prepared for )the worst. A human heart is not a solid form. It’s more fluid than liquid.
This is so far the highest risk decision made in life.
When all has been done, all requirements met, things still won’t get any easier.
The past ten years were exhausting, heart-breaking, yet on the other side, it’s been amazing and exhilarating.Things happened beyond expectations.
Ten years from 2012, we managed to find the way not only to provide ourselves but also for others, to tick each other’s dreams, to raise a human being, to travel to many places, to deal with countless episodes of life challenges and many more.
On this tenth year, we took a small step to execute two biggest family plans thanks to two years of pandemic that made travel less tempting.
You won’t find any sugary words here. But, making me write such a long post with countless editing for weeks, that should explain a lot.
Personally, two decades with any kind of ships with a-previously-stranger is a milestone.
I am grateful (with a pinch of salt and sincere heart) more than any words written here or anywhere that the Boss up there paired me to work, navigate life (up until this point) with this partner I have.
Alhamdulillah for everything. Bismillah for the third leg, mate!
A Penny for My Pensieve 