Adulthood hits differently.
It’s been few months hard actually, but surviving this January is another story.
When I thought I was already on the edge of my sanity, then more tests would appear to see if I still could take some more.
Since last year, building a nest from the scratch has been our most difficult challenge. We’ve been moving places, survived moving in and out cities and countries, but this one has been on another level.
The searching part took months long and not easy. We spent every weekend went here and there, called this and that, asked and did viewing around to so many places.The buying part stretched the head and heart to their maximum potential.
Then, here came the renovation part which turned to be like building from the scratch.
I supervised the rebuilding of my childhood home from the scratch in 1998-2000 while all the family members were living in another province in another island. I went around here and there with my late mother in 2012 to build another house, still remembered how tiring those experiences had been.
But, I didn’t have strong emotional attachment to any of them. I witnessed the processes, the progress, but, they weren’t my own projects. They didn’t cause me any sleepless nights or countless headaches, heavy breathing, or occasional crying. Even asthma returning daily.
When we finally decided to sign up for this, I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t know it could be this level of hard and so beyond emotionally draining.
The twists.
The misses.
The cries.
The frustration.
The anxiety.
The countless checking to the smallest detail.
The continous daily nagging.
The repetitive reminder for a single work for weeks.
The hopelessness felt day by day for so many reasons.
When I thought I was being too fussy and maybe just let it flow to be more sane, but how? It’s all our sweat and blood. It takes more than money to arrive here and there’s no way I could just leave it without the best fight.
The process to turn the house into a home is another pain. I didn’t know we have to think about every single important thing, not just lovely decoration seen on the gram.
It doesn’t stop there.
Dealing with the countless decluttering, loading and unloading, packing and unpacking, moving big and small things from the apartment to the new house little by little, every single day, thinking about the new set up here and there.
Dealing with multiple appointments with technicians to set up the appliances, house decoration, house service and security and many more.
For the past three months, my daily view has been boxes, bags, trolley and trashes and it’s really torturing for someone who needs highly ordered and structured life to thrive. I mostly survive with the eyes on prize on my mind.
For the past three months, I also do a bare minimum parenting. More nagging than nurturing. Neglecting a lot of responsibilities, skipping many important details and just let it go.
For the past three months, I’ve lost interest to many things and the only thing I could think of is about the house and the moving.
Masya Allah, I have no idea before this is the unseen price we paid for buying a house.
For the past 6 years, we’ve been living in few different full service apartments which everything is covered and it has been really easy. I love living in apartments more than I could think of. A small space that is relatively easy to take care of, good and comfortable access to everything like food, shopping, entertainment, groceries, anything. It’s just one tap away from where we live. Whenever we encounter a problem, it’s just a call away to the reception and someone will ring the door and fix the problem.
Receiving any packages is another huge advantage that I would surely miss. Here, we don’t have to receive it on our own. Be it goods other food. It will be taken care of and we just have to pick it at anytime we’re available and it would be safe.
Return to live at home is a huge change. I am quite nervous actually. But, we finally decided to do this because we can’t grow when it’s too easy and small. There were times when everyone had online meetings altogether, we had no proper places to do it. Also, since we rent the place, there are a lot of things that we want to do but couldn’t.
I am also thinking a lot of my daughter too. Owning a house means having responsibilities and taking care one is the way to teach and prepare her for that. She has responsibilities too in the apartment but as she grows, she needs more to learn.
I don’t know where and how life would take from here. But, what I’ve always known that Allah’s timing never miss anything.
We actually had started looking since 10 years ago to own a place on our own. We had four times period where we almost bought an apartment in our first rent place. But, I didn’t know why we didn’t proceed every time it appeared. Like something always stopped us.
I couldn’t imagine dealing with such a huge decision other than now. I couldn’t count how many times He makes it possible so many impossible beyond calculations.
Behind all those exhaustion, I kept thinking about many things where we had it easy and it’s not small feats indeed. I kept telling myself to count all the blessings to balance all the hardships felt inside. It didn’t eliminate the headache, the cryings, but, to maintain the sanity and energy to keep pushing through until the finish line.
After almost two years of journey, so here is the new beginning on the first day of the new month in a place I wholeheartedly call 🏠.
Bismillah. Bismillah. Bismillah.
PS : don’t listen to any advices that you need to buy a house ASAP. In buying a house, especially in this country, you need to do it a.s.a.p. As slow as possible. Take your time, have as much money as possible to cover your other expenses other than the house bills (which is A LOT), do a lot of researches, viewings, and, loud praying.
Owning a house before 30 sounds cool, but, unless you already really know where you’ll be settling down for the next few years, it would be a good idea to hold the decision. Since we’re far from rich, has no parents to help us with this, it only makes sense we could only afford it at the end of our 30s. It takes time to save the money to afford the house and a home that we want. After several years of moving, I come to a conclusion that the law of buying a house is just like one for marriage. It’s not compulsory.
A Penny for My Pensieve 